Caring less gives you power, but not happiness.
I’ve not seen the movie, but I’ve seen the following quote on the Internet several times:
“Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right.” ~ Connor Mead in Ghost of Girlfriends’ Past
I agree; the person who cares less, who is less invested, who feels s/he has less to lose, has power over their spouse. In the vast majority of marriages, the wife cares more (at least for a time, she may eventually give up and stop caring altogether). Yes, there are exceptions, but women, being more relational, tend to care more.
Then, there’s sex. In the majority of marriages, the man cares more about sex, meaning she has the power there. I wonder how many women are unconsciously using that power to try to level the playing field? Or, maybe not so unconsciously? If it’s the only power you have, and you feel you’re at a disadvantage…
But wait! The quote above is what tends to show up, but it’s not the whole quote:
“Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less, and he was right. But power isn’t happiness, and I think that maybe happiness comes from caring more about people rather than less.” ~ Connor Mead in Ghost of Girlfriends’ Past
That second part is both true and important. Having power over someone may make us feel safe, but it won’t make us happy. Power and control don’t make us feel good or loved; power and control keep others at arms reach, and that destroys relationships and leaves us feeling empty inside.
On the other hand, caring more can make us feel good. In fact, caring more can make us feel good even when that caring is used against us. What’s more, caring more makes your spouse feel loved, and your lack of power to control, hurt, or manipulate makes your spouse feel safer. If you care more, and keep caring more no matter what, the odds are very good that you will start a caring revolution in your marriage.
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