Why can’t you be like the people I work with?

Yesterday I mentioned what settle for. This brings up the question of expectations. What do we expect from our brides? Is what we expect fair? If I think it’s fair and she does not, how can I know what is fair?

One thing that can get men in trouble is applying the expectations they have at work to their marriage. The people you work with have chosen to be a part of the industry/business for which you work. They have some desire and/or ability to do that kind of work, which means they will tend to think and act like others with whom they are working. Additionally, your co-workers have a strong monetary motivation to understand and fit within the culture of the job.

However, the odds are your bride does not work in the same industry/business as you. That means she does not have the same framework as you and the people you work with. Beyond this, a marriage is a bit different from a work place – it is more intimate, it can be more intense, and it is for life. Some of what works well in business is just a bad idea in a marriage. Yes, the best principles of business are good for any relationship, but how you apply them, and where you draw the lines, will vary from relation to relation.

The bottom line is this: she is your bride, not you co-worker. Confuse the two at your own peril!

More on expectations the next few days, and please add your thoughts in the comments.

2 Comments on “Why can’t you be like the people I work with?

  1. I agree!

    My wife is a nurse, I am a white collar professional…I wouldn’t have it any other way. We complement each other, If my wife was more like my co-workers, we would be in a much worse place in our relationship.

    It is an interesting idea though, that I hadn’t thought about much before. Do you think that its this business connection with co-workers, that leads men to workplace infidelity?
    .-= Eric´s last blog ..Fidelity Gene?!? =-.

    • @Eric – I think the similar thinking is one of many factors that makes workplace infidelity so dangerously easy. There is also the common goal issue, which is the norm at work, but not always the norm at home.

      Another factor is that many folks spend more time with their co-workers than their spouses. If you look at break time and meal out together, they may spend more quality conversation time with co-workers.

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