About the dishes

A couple of years ago I wrote a post about dishes – and how much I hated doing them. I mentioned that the sink was low where we lived, and doing dishes tended to make my back sore, but that this was not the real reason. I think I also confessed to doing “rinse and stack” as my part of doing the dishes, and I mentioned I’d done a lot of dishes while working at restaurants.

In the time between then and now, something has changed. Yes, we now have a place with a sink that is at a sane level for someone who is 6′ 2″, but again, that’s not really the reason for the change. Doing dishes honestly does not bother me the way it used to. I see they need doing, and I do them – no big deal. A few times my bride has gone to the bathroom after dinner, returned to do the dishes, and found me already doing them – even when I had made dinner and could feel she was “obligated” to do the dishes!

Why the change? My best guess is that it is a natural outpouring of my love for my wife. I also think it’s partly a result of that post I made a couple of years ago. While I didn’t feel like scum-on-a-stick for my lack of dish-washing, I did know my behaviour was less loving than I want to be towards my bride. I think identifying my actions as falling short of my goals started a change in me. Publicly conferencing my shortcoming no doubt also helped. In all honesty, I didn’t work at this change, it happened over time with very little conscious effort on my part.

If you’d like to make a change to be more loving, feel free to “confess” to all of us in the comments.

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5 Comments on “About the dishes

  1. Thanks for that enlightenment, Paul.

    I really need to up the ante for myself in being willing to love my wife in the way I use my time. She is very disciplined with planning and I am not. So it especially frustrates here when she sees me wasting time due to lack of planning or not following through on something I promised her I would do becasue I forgot.

    So may God use this confession, and–more importantly–the power of His Spirit to change me to be a man who uses time wisely for her good and His glory.

    Loving Him by loving her,


  2. WE’RE back from a truly grand and delightful vacation and I am catching up my e-mails and Paul’s posts. I wrote about our vacation on TMB.

    MY ex was slovenly. This is not a judgement but a statement of fact. Seriously, she ate crackers in bed while she read. And she read constantly.
    I worked a 10-15 hour day most days of our married life and too often came home to a very ugly and dirty house-with dishes to be done, of course. Needles to say, we fought. Often. So, the household cleaning thingy was all about ‘being fair’ when I married my precious one.

    But, we found out, fairness is an elusive and ever-shifting thing because fairness is all too often a matter of perspective, rarely having anything at all to do with agape or what is truly righteous. A truth. Matt 20:1-16

    I now do the dishes and cook and clean and do the grocery shopping as well as still fixing things around the house, keeping up the yard and servicing our cars. I am not bragging. I am unemployed. And for as long as this situation lasts I will, with love and proper humility, be her ‘househusband’. She works hard. And so do I.
    The thing is, because I love her so much it is natural for me to do this. She deserves time to relax at the end of the day and needs it. The beautiful thing is that I know, beyond any doubt, that if our employment situation were reversed, she would be doing the same as I, as much as she could.
    Because when we both worked, the household chores were split 50-50 most of the time, naturally, without our having to discuss it, after we gave up on the fairness thingy.
    I love her and she loves me. That is why these things happen naturally.

    I love being human and good.
    It is, after all, what I was created to be.

  3. I have done the dishes a couple of times in the past. However, I did it out of duty and not out of love. I can’t tell you the difference it is when you do them because you want to show your wife that you love her. When that is your intent, it is amazing how much you don’t mind doing them or even look forward to it because you know that it is a blessing to them.

    Serving one another in love…. :)

  4. I’m going to change to be more loving in the area of not always being mad about everything. Sometimes I get upset, and sometimes I have a right to be upset….but that doesn’t mean that I have to show that I’m upset by talking in rude tones or acting distant. I feel like a child at times.

  5. Our deal has always been she cooks, I clean. One thing I can thank my mom for, the work ethic around the house.

    Plus, I’m a house-dad, so I do pretty much all the rest of the home stuff.

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