Concerns List

Start a “concerns list” for your bride and yourself. Write on that list the things that concern you, that worry you, that you are fearful about. Update regularly, and draw a line through anything that is no longer a concern. Even better, give each concern a 0-10 rating (no concern to “losing my mind”) and change that number each week or month by crossing out the last number and writing in the new one.

The concern list does a number of things – it gives you each a way to express what most concerns you, it makes you aware of what is eating at your spouse, it shows you both how concerns grow, shrink and die, and it’s an awesome prayer reminder tool.

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Happy Father’s Day! : “Wives and mothers will agree with me that being a loving father also earns you respect from your children’s mother.” [Lori Lowe, Marriage Gems] Read that several times, it’s very, very important!
How to Practice Being a Better Partner – 5 Tips : This Marriage Gems post, based on information from the book Creating a Marriage You’ll Love by Harriet Lerner, PhD, is a MUST READ.
Is Divorce Contagious? Researchers: Yes. : Lori Lowe has more on a story I mentioned last week.

Am I Too Busy For Marriage? : “….have you ever stopped and wondered if you’re too busy for your marriage? If your answer is yes, why do you suppose we allow ourselves to stay so busy? I’ve seen many couples in my counseling practice who claim that their marriage is a priority but their actions display anything but.” A MUST READ post on Simple Marriage.
Transitions, Simplified : Guest post from Melissa of Peace & Projects on parenting a kid as a divorced parent.

Top 5 Things Every New Husband Should Know: All the things on this Better Husbands and Fathers list are important!
Date Your Wife: Sprint Triathlon: The couple that does a triathlon together … find out at Better Husbands and Fathers.

Daddy’s Girls : A great post on Happily Married After about how your bride’s relationship with her father affects her relationship with you.
Marriage Lesson from “The Godfather” : Happily Married After reminds us that she is our family, and you “don’t ever take sides against anyone against the family”

What is a Spiritual Relationship with your Spouse?: This is the She Just Got Married post that is in the LOVE EVERYDAY e-book. (Be warned the e-book contains one reference that is not compatible with Christina thought).
Divorce is NOT an Option : I was doing some back reading on She Just Got Married, as its new to me, and found this wonderful little post about the importance of how we phrase things.

On Wearing A Ring : Engaged Marriage has a well done guest post from Ali, a young lady who spells things correctly ;-)

Sharing the Love: The Ache for Children : Project M has a good peek into the heart of a woman who longs for children, but has so far been unable to have them.

One of the Marks of God’s Creation is Infinite Complexity : “I often meet people who trust their answers about God, but it doesn’t seem like they trust God. When they but up against the unknown complexities of life, they find security in their own answers. They love their own minds.” More challenging thoughts from Donald Miller

And last, but certainly not least, Journey to Surrender completes a 5 post series on headship.
What If… My Husband Acts Like a Dictator
What If… My Wife Won’t Let Me Lead?

What If…My Personality Doesn’t Fit My Role?

3 Comments on “Concerns List

  1. As a man, I the like the idea of a list. It gives me an agenda to concentrate on. But how do you it keep from becoming a “worry” list?

    • @dean – If by worry list you mean it would amplify worries, I doubt it. I won’t say it’s impossible, but given human nature, writing it down makes it more clear, which is usually less scary than what is in our minds. This is especially true for those given to great imagination – when it’s written down it becomes clear how improbable our worst fears are.

      Additionally, if one person is too worried, the list should give their spouse a heads up.

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