Not counting the seconds

Do you spend time with your bride because you know you should, or because you have learned that life goes better when you giver her the gift of time? That’s great, and to some degree I’m sure she appreciates the sacrifice – but if you’re counting the seconds, don’t you think she knows?

Spending time with her out of obligation is a lot like mercy sex – better than nothing, but it leaves you feeling less than fulfilled, and a bit worried that your spouse does not desired you. Mercy ANYTHING is a poor imitation of what is desired, and mercy time is no different.

If you are not having fun, if it’s mostly out of obligation, how do you change that? It starts with an attitude change. She deserves your time, and she deserves for you to want to spend the time with her. Make that a fact in your mind, then work to make it a reality. Fake it till you make it is not wrong here, but you have to be working on “making it”. Decide that you can actually grow to want and enjoy your “quality time” with her.

Next, work on what the two of you do when you spend time together. Of course you should go with her to things you have zero interest in once in a while, but you need to find things you both enjoy. Come up with a LOT of ideas, and give each more than one try. Ask her what she enjoys, what she does not, and what she thinks she would enjoy if it was changed a bit. Share the same information with her. Keep at it, and in time you will find ways to be together that are not a problem for you, and eventually you should even start to enjoy things.

One Comment on “Not counting the seconds

  1. My husband and I had this problem in reverse. He wants me to spend lots of time with him. I grew up tagging along behind my dad so at first it was not a big deal to me. But as time went on it began to drain my good humor so I brought the subject up. Bingo! As soon as he understood that while I didn’t mind going round & round the building supply stores, it was getting old, boring, etc ( I elaborated on the “etc” for him), things changed. Now he is mindful to do something for me. He’ll visit the fabric store with me-even give his opinion!- or buy me a cup of coffee, or leave me to myself once we get home, just doing things that mean something to me. Now it’s alot easier for me to say “Sure I’ll come with you”. And he seldom forgets to say “Thanks”. The solution for us was to balance the scales a little better.

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