Remembering those little things that are important to her.

Last week I had an interesting discussion with the guys of the marraige study we are doing*. Several of the gents, including myself, expressed frustration at not being able to see or remember certain things that drive our brides bonkers.  For me a big one is a messy car. I can drive the car and not be aware of how messy it is – as long as things don’t hit me in the head or prevent me from driving, I honestly don’t see it. I do, however, know that it bothers my bride a great deal. After 25 years, you’d think I would have found a way to keep the inside of the car looking decent. By the way, her standard of clean is hardly difficult; it’s not that, I just don’t do it. Some of the others guys shared similar things. I am convinced these guys want to do what blesses their brides, but like me they can’t seem to make it happen in a few “blind spot” areas.

There are any number of things that can fall into this category – a few of the top of my mind:

  • Keep something clean, or picked up.
  • Keep something filled (toilet paper), or emptied (the trash).
  • Spend time with the kids in a specific way.
  • Care for a pet, or the yard.
  • Take her out on a nice, dress up date at least once a month.
  • Balance the finances, pay the bills and so on.

One of the suggestions to me for the car was to make a certain day “clean out the car day”. That’s a great idea, but then I have to then remember it. My solution was to put a recurring weekly reminder on my Outlook calendar. Other ways to help you remember would be to set the alarm on your phone to go off at a certain time each day when you need to do something or check to see if it needs to be done. Write notes and leave them where you will see them – if what you need to remember is weekly put the note where you will see it while doing something you do weekly. Make a reminder image for yourself – for example if you forget to walk the dog, put a picture of the dog on the fridge, or by the TV or your home computer.

And finally, tell another guy, or several, about what you want to remember to do – just sharing puts in more in your mind, and if they will remind you for time to time that’s even better.

* Note, I won’t be sharing much from the meetings due to privacy concerns. I will however continue to promote doing a marriage group – the interaction is great and anyone who does anything more than just showing up will be a better spouse for it.

4 Comments on “Remembering those little things that are important to her.

  1. Ok, I’ll one up the outlook reminder…… do the same, but put in over your lunch hour. If you splurge and buy a box of garbage bags for your trunk, and maybe a rag and some cleaning spray, you can just fill the bag with the junk and drop it off at the garbage can before you go into the house when you’re home for the day. This has the added benefit of avoiding the untrue and unhelpful thought process of “I’d do X (that my wife wants) but she never gives me time to do it” which I have been known to employ to obvious effect on occasion. I can sympathize with the car thing… mine is a mess, and probably bothers my wife…… hmmmm perhaps I should take my own advice.

  2. Why not give the car a quick clean out every time you fill up with gas – kind of like checking the fuel, tires, water etc. These usually a trash bin close by!

  3. I also use remember the milk (comment above) as well as Google calendars and Google tasks

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