Honesty & Trust

Trust and honesty are a couple of the most basic, and most important, foundational issues in a marriage. Unfortunately, many guys manage to mess these up – often without even being aware they are doing it.

If you don’t do what you say, she will rightly lose trust in you. You cannot avoid this by playing word games to not promise while sounding like you are, or to try and argue that you did not really promise, or by saying that something valid came up and pre-empted what you had said you would do.

Along the some lines, honesty is not something that comes in shades. She does not care that something is technically not a lie. She does not see a great difference between not telling her something and intentionally hiding something. Failing to share anything significant that happens to you is an honesty issue in her mind.

Once you have violated her trust, or shown yourself to be dishonest, it’s a long hard road back. Some men feel it’s not worth the effort, and some get defensive, saying that what they did was minor and that she is over reacting. This is one case where a good offense is a terrible defence – if you have blown it, own up to it.

3 Comments on “Honesty & Trust

  1. Great Post! I just wanted to give an example of something that men may think is small, but it really is huge to me. If you are doing something, and I call for you to come, and you say, “I’ll be there in a minute”, and you take a 1/2 hour or more, you have succeeded in eroding trust, big time, especially if you do it over and over. Be honest, and say, “This will take me a 1/2 hour,” don’t say, “Just a minute.” It irks the heck out of me, and I lose trust.

    • @Kathleen – Thanks so much for this! I know I have been guilty of this in the past. In large part that ended when I started to do more cooking. Trying to get folks to the table when the food is ready and hot, and you hear “In a minute ..” Grrrr

  2. That is one of the exact situations I was talking about, the other, getting off the computer to get to bed, so our son could sleep. (We have a small apartment, and it’s hard to sleep if anyone else is up and around.)
    I’m glad that you changed your ways. My hubby is too. :)

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