When ideas of sacred clash

Around our home, we have a “sacred bag”, which holds must-have documents when we travel, and “sacred boxes” which have held very important items in our too many moves of the last four years. Of course, these items are not sacred in the biblical scene of the word, but they are very important.

What is sacred or very important to you? What items, or ideas, are you unwilling to give up? What about your bride, what is sacred to her? An article entitled “The Psychology of the Taboo Trade-Off” looks at what happens when sacred values clash.

“When people are asked to trade their sacred values for values considered to be secular—what psychologist Philip Tetlock refers to as a “taboo tradeoff”—they exhibit moral outrage, express anger and disgust, become increasingly inflexible in negotiations, and display an insensitivity to a strict cost-benefit analysis of the exchange.”

If you argue about or try to change your bride’s mind about something she holds “sacred” it’s not going to end well. If you belittle what she hold sacred, or belittle her for feeling it is sacred, it will get downright ugly. Be aware of what she finds sacred, and tread lightly!

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Engaged Marriage

7 Things Your Marriage Needs That Money Can’t Buy: A great list here of things you can’t buy that you need to have a good marriage.

Happily Ever After

How To Inspire Your Spouse: David has some great ideas on this.
The Silent Couple at the Restaurant: Don’t tell David you can’t talk with your bride, he’s not buying it. What’s more, he’s right!

The Intimacy Couple

Why Nurturing Sex in Your Marriage is Great for Your Kids: An outstanding guest post by Julie of Intimacy in Marriage.

Journey to Surrender

Choosing the Path of Intimacy: First in a series that looks to be very good.
Intimacy – It’s Not What You Think!: Part two.
Intimacy – Choose Trust: Speaking of trust … (part three)

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

Who Are You? – Helping Military Couple Reconnect after Deployment: A good article for any couple trying to deal with change – or failing to deal with change.
Forgiveness Part 2: What is Forgiveness?: This second part is as good as the first part was.

The Romantic Vineyard

Staycation – Day One: A staycation is a great idea. My bride and I did an anniversary that way once when we could not afford to get out of town.

Simple Marriage

Marriage is easy: Corey is spot on with this great post. If you are both mature people, shouldn’t marriage be fairly simple?
How to rekindle the spark in marriage. You can’t.: Another great post from Corey, with the science to back him up. The answer it to move forward, not try to go back.

One Comment on “When ideas of sacred clash

  1. Cool perspective. And one that I think goes a long way toward explaining what could be called ‘religiosity’. But I won’t call it that because I know how difficult it can be to scrutinize the sacrosanct things I can find in my own heart-of-thoughts.

    ‘R-E-S-P-E-C-T / Find out what it means to me.’ Seems to be the refrain that will help us to refrain from being a fool when we feel that something is ‘stupid’ or ‘trivial’ when someone else thinks it’s important. Especially when speaking to the most important human being you will ever know, your spouse.

    I would call this kind of respect, being good, just as we were created to be.

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