What we focus on gets better, what we ignore dies.
My thinking for this post was sparked by Sex Homework: Hard Habit to Break on the blogging dangerously blog. (Not a Christian blog, explore at your own risk.)
I totally agree that when we focus on something we tend to do it more, do it better, and enjoy it more. On the other side, if we don’t do something much, odds are we will do it less and less over time, won’t do it as well, and won’t enjoy it as much. While this is not true for all things, it is certainly true for sex – in fact, it seems to be especially true when it comes to female sexuality. Women who think about sex during the day are far more interest and aroused when there is an opportunity to have sex. Many women find that the more often they have sex the easier and better it is, and that results in them wanting and having even more sex. In fact, some women have found that having sex five or six times a week is actually easier than having sex two or three times a week. It’s a virtuous cycle that builds and builds, making sex better and better.
The problem, of course, it getting the cycle going. If sex is not something she currently enjoys, then trying to get it to have more so she can enjoy it is like telling her she can learn to like the flavour of, and enjoy eating, something she does not currently like. If she enjoys sex, but wants it far less often than you want it, she has no motivation to work at it, as she is happy with the status quo.
The bottom line is this – a woman who puts her mind to it can learn to enjoy sex a great deal – and to want a great deal of sex. Those who have done it say they are glad they did. So, she can do something for you, and benefit in the process – seems like a win/win to me. How do you make it sound like a win/win to her? Maybe you can’t, but letting her know that others have gotten there and would not want to go back might help.
Pick your time and your words carefully, and be ready to drop the idea in her mind and back out if necessary. If she is willing to discuss it a bit, suggest a test – maybe have sex five nights a week for a month and see how it works for her.