Who should be telling her to submit?

Submit to me! © Iqoncept | Dreamstime.com

This is a rabbit trail follow up on my post from last Sunday, and in particular is based on the very good comments from Bob. Among other things, Bob said, “As a husband I am NEVER to say, ‘Wife! You are supposed to submit to me!’.”

I completely agree with this; but then who is supposed to be telling our brides about submission? The biblical answer is “the older women”. Unfortunately, we live in a culture that does not respect the wisdom that come with age. We also live in a culture where people tend to self-segregate by age. This means that we have lost the ability to learn from those who have “been there and done that” and gotten far enough past the doing to know that what they did worked – or did not work. I’ve got nothing against hanging with one’s peers, but those who are at the same point in life as we won’t have much more experience or perspective than we have, and we can quickly fall into the situation of the blind leading the blind – and the pit that follow that method.

A lack of fellowship with those who have a board range of experience harms us in a number of ways, and a good many of these are marriage or family related. The solution is obvious – build communities where both the young, the not so young, and the old can connect and share.

  • If you are young, make a point of being with those who have several decades on you.
  • If you older, make a point of being with those who are much younger than you are.
  • If you are in-between, work to have those younger who you can mentor and help, and those older who can mentor and help you.
  • If you are a pastor or church leader, avoid the easy way – putting young couples all together, older folks all together, couples with kids all together, and do on. There is certainly a place for kid and youth oriented groups, but by the teen years there should be a growing mixing with those who are older.

I know those who are “done with children” may want to avoid the noise and distraction of being with those who have kids, and those with young kids may feel they will be too much trouble in a group where others do not have kids, or do not have young kids. Both groups need to get over it. Body life is not simply about what is easy or convenient; body life is about serving one another. Those who have wisdom have an obligation to share it, and those who need wisdom have a biblical right to find that from their fellowship.

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Black and Married with Kids

A Marriage Built To Last: Lessons Learned From My Grandparents: Following these three tips would make a huge improvement in any marriage. That, and this post fits so well with my “learn from those who have been there” tip above!
10 Reasons You Should Attend a Marriage Ministry: Marriage ministries work – find out for yourself!
When In Doubt, Hold On Tighter: Exactly – run towards your marriage, not away from it.
In Case Of Emergency: Preparing Your Relationship For Challenging Times: This is a very challenging idea, but also a very good idea. Do you dare?

Intimacy in Marriage

3 Reasons Your Husband Likes It When You Climax: Yeah, this is one you want your bride to read.

Journey to Surrender

Shame and Intimacy – Part 2: A great follow up. Are you ready to Banishing Shame from Your Marriage?

One Flesh Marriage

Leaving: Between a Rock and a Hard Place : Brad talks about the tricky nature of the leaving part of leaving and cleaving.
Cling Wrap to Your Husband : Kate responds to Brad, and suggest that leaving is for the wife too.

reflections of a ragamuffin

A Decade of Healing Pain: If your marriage is on the rocks, or over, this holiday season, read this and take heart. The click on “Our divorce did not work out” and keep reading. Even divorce is not the end.

Simple Marriage

Something’s gotta give: “It may not be to the level of divorce or separating, but you don’t want the relationship to continue the way it is.” If that’s you, read this one!
Where’s your focus during the holidays?: Cory argues that creating a lasting and passionate marriage “boils down to choice and focus.” I say yes and amen!
Why ‘Dinner and a Movie’ Is a Bad Idea for Date Night: This guest post suggest you make your dates “planned spontaneity.”

2 Comments on “Who should be telling her to submit?

  1. Thanks for this encouragement. It is so important to connect with other couples in different stages of marriage.

    We just finished leading a 12 week marriage small group where we had couples from relative newlyweds expecting their first child to us, married 28 years. It was great to have the different perspectives sharing with and learning form one another.
    .-= Scott´s last blog ..Shame and Intimacy – Part 2 =-.

  2. Great post! Ever since you posted your reply to my comment from last week I’ve been trying to figure out where you were going to go with this week’s post (I failed haha).

    I think there are quite a few areas which need overhauled in the church in general (judging from the state of the church my bride and I attend). Things are very good but there are some core areas (including this VERY important area of mentoring) you have touched on here.

    My bride and I recently volunteered for and were appointed to be the youth pastors of our church. Your post today has given me another angle to use as an approach with the teens that I hadn’t really thought of yet…thanks! Keep up the great work.


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