Holding her sin against her

Something in my eye © Gabe Palmer | Dreamstime.comOn Twitter I have been following @MarriageMentor. The following was sent by them a while ago:

“In what ways are you using your spouse’s sin against them, while conveniently ignoring your own sin?”

Isn’t that brilliant?! How very human of us, to beat her up about her sins, no matter how small, while ignoring our sins, no matter how large?

Yes, I am all for confronting sin, even especially in our spouses – but let’s not forget to remove the telephone pole from our own eye before we go after the saw dust in our bride’s eye.

One Comment on “Holding her sin against her

  1. The curious thing I’ve noticed about being a person of forgiveness is that I can no longer lay claim to what is ‘fair’- I cannot keep on laying a claim to my rights, to justice and continue be a person of forgiveness. Because I perceive that once I have accepted forgiveness from Jehovah for my sins- which means that I have hurt people- Jehovah holds me to account to forgive others their sins- which means they have hurt me. (Luk 6:37, Eph 4:32, Col 2:13)

    Justice is about setting wrongs to right, where possible; eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. (Matt 5:38-45) We also call it fairness. Justice, therefore, is a truth from this age, because of Sin and for this age, because of Sin. But, forgiveness is about restoration and renewal and that is what will last into the ages of Righteousness yet to come, when Sin and Death are no more.

    Which means that forgiveness and mercy must become a voluntary act of your will, here and now, against your desire for justice, also called fairness, should the laws of this age, or even just your own heart, say that you have justice or fairness coming to you.

    What does this have to do with what Paul is talking about?

    Well, this: I perceive in my marriage that I have a choice of requiring fairness or mercy from her. And this requirement is according to whether I first choose to either forgive, or, require fairness, when fairness should be mine. In other words, I cannot keep the ‘scales of fairness’ balanced in my marriage and also expect mercy and leniency from her when it comes to my time for fairness to be against me.
    And that’s because mercy, forgiveness and leniency are the things of restoration and peace, they are the things of The Father, while justice, fairness and punishment to extract justice, whether it be the silent treatment or whatever other passive-aggressive thing you may do when something isn’t ‘fair’, requires that you also be held to the same requirements.

    It’s much better, then, just to be good and merciful and kind and lenient and forgiving and to do unto others only what you would have others do unto you- which, by way of reminder, being good is what you were created to be!

    And don’t the good guys always win, in the end?


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