What’s more important, the start, or the growth?

Pregnant bride © Sandra Van Der Steen | Dreamstime.com

I had originally put Does It Matter How Your Marriage Starts? in my Sunday links, but then I decided I wanted to say more about it than I could there.

I think how a marriage starts does matter, and can help, or hinder, HOWEVER, I fully agree with Tara that how a marriage grows and matures is far more important than how it starts. I’ve seen many who “start well” but fail to do well. I’ve seen others who start off poorly, or wrongly, but rally to the challenge and end up with a great marriage. To some degree, my bride and I are in the latter category – we started with plenty of problems, and I know some of our “friends” were betting on how long we would last. We are a testimony to what can happen when a couple is dedicated to having a great, godly marriage – no matter what baggage they bring into the marriage, or what mistakes they make before or after they wed.

No matter how you started, or where you are now, you can still choose to do better, to grow, to have a good, strong, healthy marriage. Yes, it helps if your spouse commits to it to, but most of the time you can make a change all by yourself – if you stick to it.

One other nag – PLEASE don’t see anyone’s marriage “as a mistake”. Once a couple is married, it is God’s will for that couple to have a great marriage. Even if it was out of God’s will for them to marry, once they do marry, He is for them. If you are not for them, then you are at odds with God. Regardless of how wrong you think a couple was to marry, your responsibility is to pray for them and help them in any way you can.

Follow Up on yesterday: There are some good helps here for writing a love letter.

Great link: As Sunday will be a bit late for this, let me suggest you check out Why Lingerie Might Be A Terrible Valentine’s Day Gift by Stu Gray. (The page is okay, but watch some of the links on it.)

Image Credit: © Sandra Van Der Steen | Dreamstime.com

3 Comments on “What’s more important, the start, or the growth?

  1. “Once a couple is married, it is God’s will for that couple to have a great marriage. Even if it was out of God’s will for them to marry, once they do marry, He is for them.”

    What is your rational for this statement? Is there a strong biblical proof-text for this statement? Our choice to marry can pre-empt God’s will?

  2. @Finlo – No, we don’t pre-empt God’s will. However, God’s will does change as a result of our sins. This is His grace to us

    It was not God’s will for David to commit adultery with Bathsheba, nor was it His will for David to have Uriah killed. HOWEVER, Solomon, a child of David and Bathsheba is called the wisest man in the world, and is in the genealogy of Jesus. God brought good from the sin of David.

    Just because we violate God’s will does not mean that God is all about undoing what we did. God forgives us, and we move on.

    The Word is clear that God is all for marriage. There is no limit placed on the things God says about honouring marriage – all marriage are to be honoured.

  3. Good post today, but the link to article about Lingerie on Valentine’s day was without redeeming qualities. I could deconstruct the whole thing but I will try to stick to the high points on this.

    1. The whole article is based from the wife’s lie that she “wasn’t good enough” and that is why he bought her lingerie. Now, not only does this make no sense, but he apparently never corrects the completely fabricated reality his wife possesses (Just let her live in her delusions.). In truth this is about the highest compliment a husband can send. “I want to see you with only enough clothing to excite my senses.” How could anyone miss the real intentions.
    I find it incredibly odd that husbands can buy clothes and other article that make his wife beautiful in other ways, but is forbidden to buy clothes that insight passion. All clothes are ultimately for the viewers, not the wearers. Other people are the ones who truly get to enjoy them. How does this not translate into most intimate relationship?
    2. So who’s this gift really for? I know the husband gets to enjoy it, so it’s for him, right. I actually think this is the perfect gift to represent true love. I think the best gifts are those that rewards everyone in some way. Should a husband be upset that he gets a hammer, because his wife is just using him as a tool (pun intended) to build stuff for her. No. Instead he should be grateful for something he enjoys that allows him to do his job better. In truth, this is clearly a ploy by the woman to get something else that she wants, that likely has nothing to do with romance or love.
    3. “Have conversations about what makes her feel loved”. Or, she could actual figure out what love really is and when she is being truly loved by her husband. Forcing people to do what you want is not really love, and it probably won’t make her “feel” very loved in the end. The real stuff is always better than fake. There is actually a really good parallel here to God’s love for us but you’ll have to pick it up on your own.

    Remember many woman are one excuse away from destroying their husbands.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: