Do you ever want to hurt her?

Feeling hurtful © Dimaberkut |

Do you ever want to hurt your bride? I don’t mean physically, but rather emotionally, with your words. When couples fight, they often say things just to hurt each other. They may not mean what they say but their intention is to hurt the other person. Sometimes this is defensive, because we feel hurt or challenged and don’t know how to respond. Other times we do it to win – to get her to stop, to prove we are right and she is wrong. Sometimes it’s as simple as retaliation – she has hurt us, so we want to hurt her in return.

All of this is human nature; I’m not excusing it, but I don’t want to judge to harshly either. No doubt, we all feel bad about doing these things – later. What matters is how we deal with what we have done. Do we apologise – a real apology that does not include any mention of “what she did” to prompt our choosing to hurt her? Beyond that, are we doing this less now than in the past, and are we continuing to fight the urge to lash out. Are we improving fast enough to matter?

I use “we” above because I still struggle with this. I have come to the place of usually being able to stop before I do something to hurt her, or catching it as I do it and immediately dealing with it. Nevertheless, I still struggle with it, I still feel it at times, and I hate that about myself.

Take a moment to be honest with yourself – how are you doing on this? Have you intentionally hurt her in the last week? Have you been tempted to hurt her in the last month? Can you honestly say you are constantly improving in this area?

So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it…” [Eph 5:28&29a NKJV]

Image Credit: © Dimaberkut |

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:



What Makes Real Women Melt: Real women sharing what makes them melt. Might learn a few things here …

Black and Married with Kids

Am I the Only Parent in This House?: The title along should give guys a clue! Be a dad, guys.
It’s Not What You Say But…: Another great offering from Tara Pringle Jefferson .

Couple Things Blog

Behind Closed Doors: Does your marriage have closed rooms? Time to do something about that.

Engaged Marriage

Finding Time for Sex: If you are not finding time for sex, find time to read this!

Journey to Surrender

Marriage Evangelism?: Scott makes a point I have made several times recently – if we did marriage the way God has laid it out, we would win folks to Christ just by living our our marriages in front of them.

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

Breaking Free of the Matrix: Are you trying to be a hero, or a stud, in a virtual world?

Marriage Gems

Why Does Our Experience with Pleasure Fade?: An excellent article with both the why of losing pleasure, and how to avoid losing as much

One Flesh Marriage

A Solitary Journey to Together and Feeling Alone in Wanting a Better Marriage: You can work towards a better marriage even if she is not willing to do anything to help.

The Romantic Vineyard

Mark Your Calendar: Are you adept at making a plan B when things to bad?
Controlling The Burn: Do you let things build up till it blows? Don’t.
10 Hindrances To Cultivating A Romantic Vineyard #6 – The Laziness Beast: Another great entry in this series.

Simple Marriage

Getting to Know You … Still: Are you still working on getting to know your bride? A great guest post.

Your Marriage Restored

A Matter of Lack… : Speaking of the church failing marriages …

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