Rather be right than happy?
I have friends I respect a great deal who ask those they teach, “Would you rather be right or happy?” I understand the question as they mean it, and the point they are trying to make, but it has always rubbed me the wrong way because it seems a wrong question. Right is important to me, and on one level the question sounds to me as if they are saying, “You must choose to agree to wrong things if you want to be happy”.
So let me offer a modification of this that I think addresses what they mean without the unintended slight to being true to what is right. Is making sure everyone knows you are right, or knows what is right, more important to you than having a good relationship and happiness? Are there times when the “rightness” is just not that vital? Does it really matter if a story one of you is telling happened 12 years ago or 13 years ago? Is the fact that you took the trash out more times than she did last year important to prove?
In particular, I think this is an issue when you both honestly think you are right. If you can prove you are right, have you gained something? Is what you have gained more important than how you made her feel? If you cannot prove it, but keep at it until she says “Fine, you are right” just to shut you up, is it worth it?
Sometimes the truth cannot be proved, and sometimes it is not necessary, loving, or useful to prove it.