Want a better marriage? Are you doing anything to make that happen?
The article Are you stuck in a semi-happy marriage? defines a semi-happy marriage as one with “low conflict, low passion, and low satisfaction.” Why do such marriages exist (and apparently exist in growing numbers)? Maybe couples are so into low conflict that they are willing to put up with low passion and low satisfaction. A similar thing is seen in moderately happy marriages, and for much the same reason. To rewrite a common saying, the worse enemy of a great marriage is a good marriage.
Many people who say they want a better marriage fail to do what it takes to have one. They hate their semi-happy or moderately happy marriage, but they won’t do anything to change it. Why?
Maybe they are afraid of failing. Maybe it’s too much work – change requites effort. Trying to change means moving out of what is comfortable. Change also means risk – what if you don’t like the new as much as you liked the old? What if you lose the old and don’t get the new? What if the balance of “power,” or work, or enjoyment is less in your favour after the change? Most of these fears are more fear than reality, but they can still prevent change.
If you say you want a better marriage but are not working at it, ask yourself why. What’s keeping you from doing it? What about your bride – does she say she wants a better marriage, but doesn’t do anything to make it happen?
Discuss it with your bride, and decide on a plan to actually make changes. Find a marriage book to read, or a marriage retreat to attend. Discuss what you each what to see change, and set goals. DO SOMETHING to bring about change.