A confession

Heart in ice © Tamara Radavanavich | Dreamstime.com

I have a confession: I’m selfish. I do not mean a bit selfish around the edges, I mean deep inside I am all about me.

I realise selfishness is a basic human condition, and maybe I am no more selfish than most folks are. Then again, maybe I am more selfish. I don’t know anyone else as well and as deeply as I know myself, so how would I judge? The one person I know the best, my bride, seems to me to be far less selfish than I; but then I am comparing what I see her doing to what I know is in my heart, so it’s not exactly an accurate comparison.

Having confessed my selfishness, I suspect those who know me would say I am a bit less selfish than most. At least I hope that is what those who know me would say! I do know that what I do, and thus what others see, is far less selfish than what I feel within. The reason for that, and the point of this whole thing, is that I choose to fight my selfishness. Because of my choice, I am often able to avoid acting on my selfish urges.

If you have read me long, you have probably figured out that I am big on the power of choice. The tag “I_choose” is my second most used tag. I am convinced that we can choose to be different. We can choose to not do things we feel like doing, and do things we don’t feel like doing. We can choose not to indulge things within us that are wrong, self-destructive, other-destructive, unwise, or just plain stupid.

“I still see things that are not here. I just choose not to acknowledge them. Like a diet of the mind, I just choose not to indulge certain appetites;…” [John Nash in A Beautiful Mind]

I challenge you to put yourself on a diet of the mind. Choose not to indulge appetites that you know you should not include. Choose to be better. Choose to do more giving and less taking; more right and less wrong; more loving and less selfishness.

Yes, it is difficult at first, just like any diet. However, you can do it, and the longer you do it, the easier it becomes. When you feel you can’t do it, know that the Lord is there to help, if you will let Him. In our own strength we can do better, and with His help, we can do much better.

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5 Comments on “A confession

  1. As has been said so often, love, especially married love is more of a choice than a feeling. This nicely reinforces that. Under the diet of the mind it can also certainly be added to choose to not entertain or dwell on those thoughts which are not helpful.

  2. Since love is a choice then it is only natural that everything we do which is in opposition to love (Selfishness is the opposite of love) would then also be a choice. That means if we choose to love, then we are choosing not to be selfish, we are choosing not to habor unforgiveness, etc.
    Any time you choose love, you are choosing to sacrifice the flesh and that is why Paul say “I beseech you therefore by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice.” When you study the whole passage you see that self must die in order for us to love one another – which by the way is part of living a life of worship.

  3. Hi Paul. Enjoy your posts from you guys. My wife and I are always blessed and challenged. Would you have any recommendations of premarital sites for daily or weekly posts? Thanks. Have an awesome day

    • Tracy,
      I hope you don’t mind me responding. We love The Generous Husband too! Rich truths are shared regularly. We wanted to share with you a “room” in our vineyard titled, “You’re Engaged.” It has lots of help for engaged couples who want to start their marriage out in the right way. Although, it doesn’t provide daily posts, there is enough there to keep them quite busy. We would love to hear your thoughts!
      Tom and Debi

  4. Just FYI. Our engaged son receives daily generous husband but we thought a premarital site would be great. He and his fiancé are due to start premarital counseling soon. Peae

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