If I don’t admit it, it’s not true
I said yesterday I did not understand men who wilfully withhold what their wife wants and needs. I also don’t understand men doing things that they must know are bad for their marriages – things that will make their wives feel hurt, neglected, or unloved.
The article Why People Avoid the Truth About Themselves suggests something different. The author gives the three main reasons people avoid truth about themselves: the information could demand a change in beliefs, it might require taking undesired actions, or it could result in unpleasant emotions.
So, maybe these men (and women) I see doing things that are harmful to their marriages don’t know that their actions are harmful. They should know, but they don’t allow that fact to be entertained.
See if any of the following might be true of you regarding how you treat your bride:
If I was honest with myself about how I treat her:
- I would have to admit I’m not a great husband.
- I would have to admit she is not the only one at fault.
- I would have to admit some of her actions are a result of what I do.
- I would have to change how I treat her.
- I would have to apologise to her.
- I would feel bad about myself.
- I would not be able to feel sorry for myself.
- I couldn’t blame everything on her.
- I would have to admit that some of her complaints about me are valid.
We all are guilty, to some degree, of suppressing uncomfortable truths about ourselves. Seeing things honestly and clearly is painful, but if we act on what we see we will be better men, and we will be more lovable. Alternatively, we can live in denial and hope it does not catch up with us.