Precipitating bad changes
I talked yesterday about the fact that we can cause our bride to change, but we don’t usually have much say over how she changes. Often it’s even worse than that – often we are likely to bring about changes that are not beneficial for her, and ultimately are harmful to the marriage.
If, for example, I didn’t like my bride asking, “What are you thinking?” I could pretty well ensure she would stop doing it if I always responded by yelling at her for asking. I would get what I wanted, but I would also have changed how she feels about me in a way that is not good for her, for me, or for our marriage. Always giving her a smart aleck answer when she asked that question would have the same affect; it might take a bit more time, but it would both stop the question and hurt her feelings.
Other ways we can bring about bad changes are by negative words, criticism, tone of voice, body language, and selectively ignoring. Any time we communicate frustration, impatience, or that we think she is silly or stupid, we change for the worse how she feels about us, and how she reacts to us.
Ever considered that some of the things you don’t like about her could be a reaction to things you have said and done?
W00T! TEN YEARS!: I missed the ten year anniversary of this blog on July 15th. That’s right – ten years of tossing out words, and no one has hunted me down yet! I missed a few days here and there the first two years, and did a few reruns the next few year – I estimate I’ve done just over 3000 unique posts (some more unique than others :roll: ). My bride started at the same time, missed fewer days, but did a few more reruns, so she is also at about about 3000 posts. I guess that tells you where we stand on the quantity versus quality debate! If you want to hep us celebrate, feel free to donate a penny for every post!
At this rate, I’ll hit 10,000 posts before I’m 70! (Although I may already have 10,000 speeling erros :evil: )