If you are in a mixed marriage?

Dog and cat © Willeecole | Dreamstime.com
“All we need is love.”

According to the New Testament, the only “mixed marriage” in God’s eyes is one between a man or woman who is following Jesus and a spouse who is not. God is clear this is a bad idea – so much so He tells us not to do it (actually commands us not to, if you want to get picky about it).

So what if you didn’t follow that advice? Or maybe neither of you were saved when you got married, or you were both nominal Christians and now you are serious and she is not, or you were both believers but she has fallen away? What now?

Let me be upfront that I have no personal experience with this, and limited second hand experience. For that reason, I am going to approach this with a story that should show how the believing husband can show his bride the real Jesus in his actions. I say story because this is loosely based on two separate reports we’ve heard.

Imagine if you will that she is the Christian and you are not. Would nagging, preaching, shaming, or any of the other usual tactics cause you to want to have anything to do with her God? Let’s face it, her “salvation” has just made your life worse – she suddenly complains about things you have always done, she has stopped doing things you used to enjoy together, she acts ashamed of you, and she has made a mess of your weekends. Given all that, how could she convince you that her Jesus has anything for you?

What if she became the wild sexual woman every man wants for a wife? I don’t just mean saying yes when you ask, I mean going out of her way to make sex frequent and mind blowing – for both of you. Lingerie, sex toys, new positions, oral sex, and chasing you for sex all become the norm. Then one day, lying together happy but exhausted after another round of great sex, you ask her about the change. She answers that she learned this is what God expects of her … and that she has come to enjoy it greatly! Then she changes the subject.

You see the point? Rather than trying to talk her husband into the Kingdom, the woman above figured out what her husband would really, really like to have. Then she gave him that, beyond his wildest dreams, and blamed it on God. Now that is a sure way to get him thinking he might have been wrong about God!

So what can you do along these lines? What would your wife really, really like from you? Obviously, it needs to be something that does not involved sin, but that’s not likely to be an issue. Many women don’t have one things that will impress them the way over the top sex would impress a man, but find a few and you can get the same affect. Do you love her enough to try it? Do you care about her eternal life enough?

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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:


New Blog this week: HubbyPhD is a blog I’ve been waiting for. I met Aaron on Twitter a couple of months ago, and he has posted comments on this blog. What I like about Aaron is his willingness to sacrifice his pride to better his marriage. May we all do likewise!

A Grown Up Marriage

Do You Want to be Wanted or Need to be Needed?: Interesting question.

Black and Married with Kids

How To Come To an Agreement When You Are Mad as Hell at Your Spouse: Good rules to guard your arguments lest they go bad.


The Syllabus: Check out the objectives – most of us want several if not all of those.
Meet the Professor: A down and dirty honest look at the man doing the blog.

Intimacy in Marriage

7 Sex Posts I Hope You Didn’t Miss: Julie takes her turn at the 7 links challenge, and is the third to tag me on it. When I get back, really!

Marriage Gems

This Fall, Evaluate Your Family’s Commitments: This is a great post along the lines of simplifying your life.
The Antidote to the Poison in Your Marriage: Why forgiving is for you, too.
The Problem with Compromise in Marriage: Thoughts on Corey’s post on compromise that I pointed you to last week.

Marriage Life

Truth: This IS what I signed up for: Wait, God thought I meant it when I made those vows?
Dude Challenge Wednesday: Your Words: Most of us know this, but don’t take it into account as we should.
He Said…She Said: Glad to see another couple doing both perspectives on issues!

One Flesh Marriage

Congrats to One Flesh Marriage living through a move to WordPress!

He’s Lost the Loving Feeling Part 1 and Part 2: When he’s the one less than enthusiastic about sex.
7 Links Challenge: Another one. And yes, I really will do it!

Project M

Welcome Baby Lydia: Congrats to Kathleen and Ben on the birth of their baby!

Refresh |MarriageToday

The Need for Open Communication: And what each of you can do to help make that easier.

Romantic Act of the Day

A Secret Love Message : Some women won’t get into it, but some will, Know your bride!

The Romantic Vineyard

Water Into Wine – Proverbs 15: A MUST READ for any man with an angry wife.

Safe at home

How To Avoid Letting Tradition and the Past Paralyze You : Are you “more committed to memories of the past than doing something to change the future”?
Five Things Every Parent Must Do : Great points for parents and spouses.

Simple Marriage

What would happen if things blew up?: I’ve not been through the “Blow Up My Marriage” class, but have heard good things from some who have.

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