Do you and your bride conspire to lie to people? It could be intentionally hiding some addiction, abuse, or sin. Alternatively, you might lie by pretending your marriage is good when in fact it is anything but.
I agree that there are things which should be kept private; things you should not share beyond the marriage. However, I think that list is short – especially when it comes to your closest friends. Only by knowing you and the struggles you deal with can others help you. Only by seeing your life and marriage clearly can others sound an alarm when you start to drift – before it gets bad.
Any time you and your bride are working together to deceive other, it should be a warning sign for both of you. If you feel the need to lie then:
- Something is wrong in your life, her life, or both.
- Something is wrong in your marriage.
- Something is wrong with your friends, or your relationship with them.
- You need to learn to say “None of your business” as nicely as possible. Privacy is fine, even good in places, but you don’t have to lie to have that privacy.
A side note – I’ve had folks argue with me that a wife is supposed to support her husband and go with what he says – even if she has to lie to do it. This is not Godly headship and submission, it is sin. For those who would argue that Sara lied as Abram instructed her, pointing out that it seem to have been “blessed”, I will counter with Ananias, with Sapphira:
Now it was about three hours later when his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 And Peter answered her, “Tell me whether you sold the land for so much?” She said, “Yes, for so much.” Then Peter said to her, “How is it that you have agreed together to test the Spirit of the Lord? Look, the feet of those who have buried your husband are at the door, and they will carry you out.” [Acts 5:7-9 ESV]
She lied as she had agreed with her husband, and God clearly was not impressed!