Go to bed angry?
Yesterday I discussed the items in the article 10 Marriage Rules You Should Break that I agree with. Now for those I do not agree with, and why.
Never go to bed angry.
In some ways I agree with this, but only for some couples and some situations. Once an argument reaches a certain level of emotion, a mutually good resolution becomes impossible. Continuing to work on the issue at that point is counter-productive.
However, if either spouse can’t sleep without some sense of resolution, going to bed without dealing with the anger is bad for that person. Alternately, if “sleeping on it” means one spouse looses interest in resolving the issue, that’s a problem too. If going to bed angry happens regularly, the marriage suffers on a number of levels. If anger is used to avoid sex, then being willing to go to bed angry can become a means to that end.
On the other side of it, refusing to go to bed until things are resolved can be used as a tool to win arguments, or at least to get one’s spouse to back off. It can also be used to punish the spouse who suffers more from a lack of sleep (usually the wife).
If you often face the choice of going to bed angry or staying up late to resolve things, talk about ways to change that.