Sex when you don’t feel like it.

Woman hiding under sheets © Sergey Peterman |
I’m asleep.

More on things found in the article 10 Marriage Rules You Should Break – called “rules you can break with confidence.” Today, the last item with which I disagree.

You should have sex with your partner to make him/her happy.
This may be a particular problem for women, especially new mothers. “Sex becomes yet another item on your to-do list, and you think you have to do it for the sake of your marriage, and the happiness of your spouse,” says Dr. Lombardo. While neither of those reasons is wrong, they shouldn’t be the only reasons. “Sex is for both of you.”

This one seems like a bit of a bait and switch – the “rule” you can break and the description don’t really match up. Certainly sex needs to be for both husband and wife, but that does not mean sex should only occur when both want sex. A couple’s sex life is a vital part of their intimate life, and it cannot be “put on hold” for long periods without doing damage to all parts of the marriage.

While no one is thrilled with doing “sex just for you” and no one enjoys receiving that nearly as much as sex which is mutually desired and enjoyed, the fact is “one sided sex” is usually far better for a marriage than not having sex. Michele Weiner Davis deals with this well in her excellent book The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide.

If your bride has a greater interest in sex than you do, PLEASE find ways of giving her what she desires.

If you’re more interested in sex than your bride, and she offers you anything sexual, please accept what she offers as a gift and an indication she wants to keep your marriage healthy.

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