Go beyond what to why

couple sharing a meal © Robert Nystrom | Dreamstime.comMy bride’s Monday post – Irritations and Peeves with Collars starts thusly:

Meals are really important to my husband, especially the social aspect.  If I truly want to discourage my husband, all I have to do is not “be present” at a meal or in some way discourage the connection that typically happens at meal time.  To bless my sweetie, I need to engage with him at meal times.

What is important there, aside from the point she makes – “Be aware of what frustrates your husband and try to accommodate his needs” – is that she understands WHY I get grumpy if she is too busy to share a meal with me. (I don’t complain, but she knows me too well for me to hide anything.) Rather than just understanding I want her to share meals with me, she has figured out why I want that. It’s not about control, it’s about my desire to engage over a meal – it’s about wanting to spend time with her. Going beyond the “what” to the “why” means that she can bless me better, and it means she does not feel as put out trying to accommodate what I desire.

What about the things your bride wants from you? Do you know why those things are important to her? Is she just demanding and bitchy, or is there something else going on? Is she reacting out of fear, emptiness, love, need, or desire? Is it possible she wants what she wants how she wants it because of her love for you? Is she motivated by her desire to be with you and share life with you? Maybe it’s a compliment! Maybe the only way she will stop wanting it is if her love for you lessens.

Go beyond what she wants to the why she wants it; it will make things easier for you, and better for her.

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2 Comments on “Go beyond what to why

  1. I totally agree. But what if my wife won’t really talk about this and other centrally important things? Will this kind of “hard saying” be sent to the wives? I often think what my wife won’t hear from me she might hear from your wife.

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