What not being there for her teaches her
“Truth: I don’t need her; her constant rejection leaves no room to doubt it. #sexlessmarriage” @BarrenBed
The man in question has gone without sex for more than a year (I think years, actually). His wife’s sexual refusal has taught him that he does not need her sexually, and due to the deep injury she has caused him, he feels he does not need her at all. Given the pain and frustration of what he sees as a very one-sided marriage, it’s hard to disagree with his conclusion.
I suspect the vast majority of men here get it; we understand what he feels and why. We see her as bad and him as the victim. Some of us might tell him to give her an ultimatum, or to just walk. Okay, now let’s change the genders and the thing that is being refused. Do the statements, the sentiments, and the conclusions above still hold up if a wife rarely or never gets her husband to:
- Talk with her
- Spend time with her
- Spend time with the children
- Say kind things
- Fix things for her
- Fill in whatever you “refuse” your bride most of the time
Just like the sexually refused man, a wife who gets little or none of something from her husband is going to learn that she does not need him for that thing. She wants it, but she does not get it, and her life continues. That leaves her tempted to find someone else to provide what he will not, and it causes her to wonder if all the pain and suffering she goes through in her marriage is justified given that some of her deeply felt needs are not being met.
Please understand I am not suggesting or justifying cheating or divorce here; I am only pointing out common results of refusing to meet our spouse’s needs or strong wants. At best, the person feels less in love, and less given to doing things for their spouse. When your spouse holds out on you, the natural response is to hold out on your spouse. Are you causing your bride to want to hold out on you?
This reminds of a very funny clip that has been making the rounds of marriage blogs for a month or so. If you have not seen this yet, it’s well worth the time.