The marriage you deserve?

Couple deeply in love ©Jozsef - Attila Nagy | dreamstime.comMy bride and I have a long-standing debate about the word “deserve”. She says we are sinners saved by grace, and don’t deserve what we have. I don’t disagree with her, but I think God wants us to have good things, and if He wants it for me, then it means I deserve it. It’s really a matter of semantics – I just bring it up because I know others trip over the word “deserve”.

That done, what kind of marriage does God want you to have? What does He say you “deserve”? To me this is easy because God used marriage to explain His relationship with the Jewish people, and He uses marriage to explain the relationship we are to have with Jesus. In fact, Jesus often used parts of Jewish marriage customs when He explained His reason for being on earth, why He would leave, when He would return, what was to happen while He was gone, and what would happen when He returned.

If marriage is the example to the world of what it is like and will be like for Jesus and His bride the church, then I would say God wants out marriages to shine. If our marriages are junk, they fail to be the witness that they should be. If most Christians had the kind of marriages God intends us to have, imagine the witness that would be! The unsaved would be chasing us down to find out what we know that they clearly do not know!

For me, a great marriage is not just an option, it is a Kingdom expectation! It’s not selfish to work on my marriage, it is required to be a faithful follower of Jesus.

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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

Black and Married with Kids

Do Women Typically Work Harder At Keeping A Relationship Alive?: Here’s one that will get a few of you upset!
You Say You Want Joy And Peace In Your Relationship, But Do You Really?: Great post, and the “say this with me” fits my post above perfectly!
The One Guaranteed Way To Improve Your Relationship In The Next 30 Days: This post has some great questions to ask yourself – brutal honesty encouraged.

Couple Things Blog

Relationship Trouble-Shooting – Part 2: This follow up gives practical ideas to help you stick to change.
Relationship Emergency!: If you think it might be too late for your marriage, you need to read this one!

”husband”, a user’s guide”

How Porn Works – We Need to Know This: Interesting write up of a book on my reading stack.

Joe Beam’s Blog

Does Bible Say I Have to Stay In Sexless Marriage?: Joe takes on one of the tough questions.

Journey to Surrender

His Needs, Her Needs, Your Needs : Another great “truth-in-tension” post.

Marriage Gems

Why are Women Less Happy than Men in Marriage?: Lori Lowe kicks in on something we have discussed here in the comments on several occasions.
Do Couples in Second Marriages Learn from Mistakes of the First?: Some do, most don’t (my opinion).

Marriage Life

What Mark Are You Leaving?: PREACH!
Secrets create more harm than good: Unless you have top secret clearance, secrets from your spouse are a very bad idea!

One Flesh Marriage

Brad and Stupendous Marriage Show 018: The Power of Your Words, BabySitting and Setting Little Goals: Due to a crazy week of get-it-done-before-the-snow I have not yet listened to this one. I have no doubt it’s up to the standard Stu and Lisa have set!

2 Comments on “The marriage you deserve?

  1. Hi Paul
    Paul I will like to agree more with your bride Lori on the subject of “deserve”. He loved us while we were yet sinners. Lori can’t be closer to the truth than that. The bible also teaches us that our works are as filthy rags. This means we can’t compare our works to what Jesus did on the cross. When we exchange our vows on the wedding day, we don’t exchange them based on conditions. For example, “…through sickness and health provided you treat me right”. We share this vow in spite of how we are going to be treated.
    Jesus didn’t die for us because we deserve His love. He died for us because “love” is who he is. That is why he couldn’t wait on our actions shower us with His love. We also are love that is why we give it in spite of the response. True love is given without an expectation. Freely we have received, freely we should give


  2. Martin – I understand what you are saying, and there is no fault in your biblical quotes. However, I think Satan has twisted those things to get us to think of ourselves in a way that God does not, and that leaves us poor witnesses for our Lord.

    More in a couple of days.

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