Caricatures lie!

Caricature of a housewife © Pichayasri |
How she see’s herself.

I am continuing with the idea “as a man thinks, so is he”, and truing it on our brides today. How she sees herself significantly affects what she does and how she feels. What she thinks she can and can’t do will determine what she attempts. The messages she has heard since childhood have created in her mind a caricature of her true self. The problem is she thinks this caricature is who she actually is. She has accepted the false impressions and outright lies of others as if they were facts. She sees herself as other describe her.

This is human nature, but women seem more prone to accepting others opinions about them as facts – probably because women are more social. This means it is even more difficult for her to break free of the image others have of her than for you to do the same. You will either help or hinder her finding the truth. If you do nothing to help her, you are silently agreeing with the lies she has been told. You need to find ways to help her see she is not who her family said she was, and not who her friends are trying to make her. 

The tricky part is doing this while not trying to make her into who you want her to be. You may have a better handle than she on who she could be, even who she was intended to be, but even if you get it right telling her makes you one more voice telling her who to be. It is far better to confront clear lies – she is not stupid, she is not ugly, she is not a horrible housekeeper, bad mother, hopeless with finances, unable to boil water without burning it, and so on. Where these things do have some truth, you can help her see where she can learn to do better. No matter what her limitations, she can grow, she can be better, she can change.

Be your bride’s champion for her becoming who God intended her to be. Defend her against lies and those who tell those lies. Speak loving truth. Tell her she is capable and can do almost anything she puts her mind to. Keep loving, keep praying, and watch her bloom.

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4 Comments on “Caricatures lie!

  1. This is beautifully written, and oh so true!!! When husbands protect and defend their wives from the world around them, the wives tend to view their husbands as their knight in shining armor… it’s a win-win situation!

  2. This is such a great read, thanks. We are dealing with this right now. My wife has spent a career in public service helping the poor and downtrodden (a true WWJD vocation) and thinks since she is not a “big wheel attorney” that she’s a failure. (On top of that, she’s approaching 50 and thinks she is unsexy.) I constantly tell her she is wonderful, beautiful and extremely sexy inside and out. And a gift to the world. But it’s hard for her to undo society’s programming.

    I pray for her to realize the importance of what she brings to the world, her value as a compassionate person and a force for good. And I pray for our society to start putting value on that, too! We talk a good game about following Jesus, but living it is something else.

    Like so many other women I’m sure, she is so kind to others…she just needs to be kind to herself.

  3. When my wife and me were a new couple, this issue was happened many times. I thought a lot about how I should tell the truth or I should say something that make her feels good.

    Actually, when you get older this issue become less problem. For now, both of those choices is fine for her. So the topic is become much easier.

  4. @Ponderman – 50 can be very difficult for women.  I found that it took about a year of feeling bad about myself around my 50th birthday before I sort of “came out on the other side.”  Continue praying for and encouraging your wife, and facilitate the two of you being involved in things that make everyone feel better about themselves (regular exercise, healthy diet, great sex, fun shared activities, serving other together, etc.)

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