Most of us have figured out that something called “non-sexual touch” is important to our bride. What is less clear to most is just what “non-sexual” means.
Clearly, certain parts of her body are very sexual, and any touch of those parts is likely to be seen as sexual, but it’s not that easy. As best as I can tell, non-sexual is far more about what she is thinking, and what she thinks you are thinking, than what and how you touch. If your touch is a prelude to sex, or an invitation to sex, or a request for sex, or a protest of how long it’s been since you’ve had sex, then it’s sexual touch. On the other hand, if you don’t seem to be looking for sex, anything short of foreplay can be seen as non-sexual. This seems to be the same as how some women see breasts – put a bikini over it and it’s sexual, bare it and stick a baby on it, it, and poof, it becomes non-sexual (and any man who says otherwise is a pervert or has a lust problem.)
Okay, it’s not that bad with most women, but perception is a major factor here, and that makes this a difficult issue. For most men, most touch is potentially sexual, and the longer it’s been since sex the more this is true. Most of us can reach the place where being in the same room is sexual, and that makes it impossible for us to offer “non-sexual” touch.
Probably the best way to deal with this is to be honest. Explain to her that sometimes just being with her is sexual, and there is no way you can turn that off. However, you are willing to choose to set it aside when that is what she needs. That means you touch her in ways she needs, and you ignore the fact that how you are touching her is arousing you. Yes, I know this is not easy – it’s a sacrifice for her. Hopefully she will understand and appreciate it, and maybe it will encourage her to sacrifice a bit more for you.