A few weeks back I wrote about the need for accountability in our lives, and especially the need to have a few good men who will hold us accountable. I received a couple of emails from men expressing problems finding accountability. I get this, as I have had the same struggle most of my life.
If you are a brand-new, single, believer, finding accountability is not too difficult, but as you mature, and as your life becomes more complex with a wife and then children, it gets harder. I do not see how we can be accountable to someone who has no understanding of what we face. This is (one reason) why a man being accountable to a woman is a bad plan, and it means a husband needs another husband and a father needs another father, for true accountability. We also need someone who’s spiritual maturity is close to or greater than our own. Throw in the need for personalities to click, or at least not clash, and finding good accountability can be quite a challenge.
In part, we can deal with this by going beyond the walls of our local church. I think it’s excellent to have someone in your church who will hold you accountable, but don’t limit yourself to this group. One of the two brothers I mentioned in my original post lives over 1000 miles from us. The last time I saw him in person was over a year ago. However, we (actually the four of us, including our wives) talk via Skype for an hour or more several times a month. He is more in my life, and more aware of my situation, than many I see weekly. He is part of our prayer team, and his friendship and support are of great importance to me. It may not be the perfect solution, but modern technology gives us some interesting options. Ideally, you have at least one local accountability partner, but if you don’t find someone farther away while working to add someone you can meet with face to face. As for to how you communicate over distance, I feel email is a poor way to do accountability; it’s too easy to hide things. The phone is better, while video communication is by far the best option.
The other side of this is to make yourself available to do this for other men – if you are in a place to do it well. You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be committed and free of significant sin. If your marriage is a mess, limit yourself to those not married. If your marriage is solid, look for younger men who can benefit from your advice and watchful eye. Another great way to do this is to bring a third man into accountability with yourself and someone with whom you are already accountable.
Bottom Line: Whatever you do, don’t do it alone. Lone sheep attract wolves!
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
New blogs this week:
Assume Love A blog I really like that I’ve not been reading regularly. Now it’s on my reading list. Patty is all about the third alternative, an approach that I like a lot. Be sure to check out her Author Bio
Marriage Works I’ve been tweeting their outstanding stuff for a long time, way past time to add it here.
A Grown Up Marriage
Date Night and Love Languages: Date ideas for every love language – NICE!
Love: Am I Right?: Referees are for competitions, not marriage.
What Are You Waiting For? : Stop waiting for your wife, accept her as she is.
When You Want Different Things : That third alternative I mentioned above.
Communication with Your Husband or Wife : Good thoughts on the trial and error approach to a better marriage.
I Love You But I Can’t Stand This : If you think you can’t take in any more, try this.
Black and Married with Kids
Re-Connecting With Your Real Life: Has technology separated you from people?
Which Of The Seven Deadly Money Mistakes Do You Make?: All killers!
Turning Into An Old Married Couple Before We’re Actually An Old Married Couple: We have friends with parents our age who say “you’re not old like my parents. Old is a choice!
This Is For The Married Folk: STUDY YOUR SPOUSE: AMEN!
Divorce Busting Blog
7 Warning Signs Your Marriage is in Trouble: Don’t wait – get help!
The Generous Wife
Get Fed Up Too: Join us in praying for marriages.
Dealing with Disagreement: Can you disagree without being disagreeable?
Change of Plans: Do you deal well or poorly with things that force you to change plans?
Hot, Holy and Humorous
Sex is For Bunnies…But Not Only Them: A hilarious post, for which I am apparently to blame.
Journey to Surrender
Mitigate Risk In Your Marriage : These will work!
One Size Doesn’t Fit All: This is SO true!
Respond Like This When Your Spouse Messes Up: Bingo!
How to Prevent Offense in Your Marriage: Do you need a filter?
In the Bedroom: I point you to this to make you aware that a messy bedroom can kill a woman’s sex drive.
Romantic Act of the Day
The Romantic Vineyard
Sex vs. Sexual Intimacy: Sex is not enough, it needs to be intimate.
The Dreaded S Word – Submission!! on the Stupendous Marriage Show: Good discussion on submission.