Are false choices hurting your marriage

Lettuce or cookies © Iliyan Kirkov |
Choose one.

Recently Gretchen Rubin of The Happiness Project wrote a post about false choices. Do You Fall into This Happiness Trap? The False Choice. I like the term “false choice” better than the more commonly used false dichotomy or false dilemma. Regardless of what you call it, a false choice is one of the following:

  • You think you must do one of two things.  In reality there is another, or several other valid choices. 
  • You see several choices, but not all the choices.
  • You think you can do only one of two things, when in fact you can do both.

Sometimes we build our own false choices. Sometimes others give us false choices – either because it is how the see things, or as an attempt to manipulative us.

If you make a habit of challenging supposed choices or answers, you will often find another way – a third alternative – that is better than either/any of the choices originally presented. Also, learn to question why you must have one or the other, maybe you can have or do both.

I’ll leave you to mull that over, and give some more marriage specific examples over the next few days.

Speaking of choices, today rather than asking you to donate to support me, I am going to ask you to consider supporting a ministry known as Dirty Girls. Their web site says, “Dirty Girls Ministries provides women with help, hope and healing from pornography and sexual addiction. And trains up others to do the same.” I’ve been aware of DG for a good while, and I am very impressed with what they do, and how they do it. Porn is a growing problem for women, and very few people are willing to admit that, much less do anything to help women who want to get free of porn. This is a worthy cause

There are four posts in this series (current post in bold):

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