Marriage Lie: People don’t change.

Colour shifting leopard © Hedrus |

We have all heard people don’t change, only change in small ways, or only change when faced with extreme situations. All of these are lies, and double-edged lies at that. When we buy into these lies, we treat others as if they will not change, giving them an excuse not to change. However, people do change:

  • We have a friend who tells me he was a Type A personality for much of his life. I did not know him then, and based on who he is now I cannot imagine it; however, he had a job only a Type A could have held, and his wife assures us he was that person. He changed because he did not like who he was and what he was doing to his family. This man changed from the far side of Type A to very much Type B. 
  • I have gone from a neo-legalistic to who I am today; from being all about “law” to a balance of law and grace.
  • My bride, and many others we have talked to, went from “I could live just fine without sex” to “I can’t imagine a life without sex”.
  • There are plenty of people who have gone from alcoholics to decades of sobriety, from chain smoking to years without cigarettes, from daily porn use to not even wanting to look at porn, and from morbidly obese to skinny (5′ 7″ Richard Simmons weighed 268 pounds when he graduated from high school!)

Drastic changes may the exception, but they prove it is possible. Less drastic changes are even more common. The bottom line is people can and do change. You can change if you put your mind to it. Your bride can change if she chooses to do so. You can each do things to help or hinder the other changing, but ultimately it is a personal choice.

If you want more on change, I did a series on the subject last September (which is why you may recognise the picture above):

The Belief That’s Sabotaging Your Marriage
Your Change
Her Change
Change – it get’s easier

Image Source: © Hedrus |

One Comment on “Marriage Lie: People don’t change.

  1. Yes! Yes! Yes! I went from promiscuous young adult to Christian monogamy warrior (kind of like Xena, but much cooler). I am also thankful to know many marriages that have gone from seemingly hopeless to thriving.

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