12 Things You Should Say More Often

What messages do you send your wife? Odds are you’re sending her some you don’t intend and failing to send some you should. If you want her to believe something, and especially if you want to change her self-perception the key is repetition; say it over and over and over and she will start to believe it (hey, it works for advertisers and politicians!) 

Adoring love © Allihays | Dreamstime.com

I’m not assuming all of the following are true for you. Some of these depend on your wife, but some of them are more about your choices. If you can’t honestly say some of these, ask yourself if this indicates you need to work on something. Please personalise these, and use the list as a starting place. Consider your bride’s past, and what you know of her concerns and fears, and build a list of assurances that will really help and bless her.

  1. I love you: Yes, this is basic, but she needs to hear it often.
  2. You are beautiful: Body image is huge in our culture, and virtually every woman is fearful she’s far from beautiful. 
  3. You are a great mother: If she is a mother, she certainly has doubts about how she’s doing. I know she’s not perfect, and it’s appropriate to discuss it with her when you feel there’s a problem, but that needs to be accompanied by plenty of support and praise for her when she does a good job of parenting.
  4. You are not your mother: Many women struggle with this on some level, either fearful they’re not “as good as” their mother in some way, or fearful they’re becoming like their mother in ways they dislike. Set her free from this! Make it clear she’s her own person and that’s good with you.
  5. You can do it: It being whatever – a short-term goal, a long term dream, a project, whatever. She needs your encouragement and support daily.
  6. I would marry you all over again: She may wonder at times if you regret marrying her. Make sure she knows you do not.
  7. I want God’s will for your life: This one is huge, and if you mean it, it will cost you. Let her know you’re more about her having God’s best than what you want. Encourage her to seek His will, and to walk boldly in it.
  8. You are smart: Most of us worry about our intelligence from time to time, and cultural messages being what they are this is more common for women (and especially for stay at home moms). Tell her you think she has a great mind, and uses it well (and be sure the way you treat her says the same thing).
  9. I want to protect you: Regardless of how she feels about traditional male and female roles, you’re stronger, more aggressive, and naturally protective of her. God made you this way, and it’s a comfort to her. Make sure she knows you feel protective.
  10. I need you in my life: Let her know she’s not a spare tire, but an integral and wanted part of your life.
  11. I want to share an adventure with you: There are seasons of life when adventure seems impossible, but long term we all need to be living an adventure to feel right. Let your bride know you want to live an adventure with her, not just come home and tell her about your adventures.
  12. I enjoy you sexually: Please note this is not “I enjoy sex with you” – this is about her, not the sex. If sex is a problem area, try to find something positive you can mention so she doesn’t feel too discouraged. If sex is good, let her know it’s good, and she’s satisfying you.

Image Credit: © Allihays | Dreamstime.com

4 Comments on “12 Things You Should Say More Often

  1. This is big for me since words of affirmation are my love language. It is important for me to hear hubby say these things on a regular basis. If I don’t hear them, it sets me up for attacks of the enemy. I start to feel worthless, ugly, unloved, used, and neglected. The enemy even starts planting seeds of doubt and lies about our marriage….that hubby doesn’t really care, he’s probably got his eye elsewhere anyway, I’m too unattractive now anyway, I’m just a doormat, etc.

    I need to know, too, that I am a good wife, that he desires ME, and it helps to know that his eyes don’t wander when we are apart because I am worth him keeping himself and our marriage pure.

  2. This is hard to ask but here goes…
    Regarding #6: What if you do? What if you do regularly regret marrying her and are just doing the best you can? Do you lie? What if she asks?

    • Lou – Certainly a difficult spot. I would acknowledged the problems without saying I wish I had not gotten married. Try to focus on hope and what can be done to change the situation.

  3. Another great post. It took too many years for me to understand these truths. So, glad to say that I am doing much better at it, but I always need some helpful reminders. Thanks and my wife thanks you too.

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