I own that

I heard a man say something very wise and courageous today. He was talking about a way in which he had neglected his wife in the past and working hard to change. He said he often hears from her his words mean nothing and she will wait for actions. He said his reaction to this is to own that he caused her to feel this way; his past actions have given her good reason to say what she said. Rather than getting upset he owns it and goes on.

Disappointed wife © Sunlu4ik | Dreamstime.com

I remember my deep frustration on several occasions when I had finally “gotten it” over something I was or was not doing that hurt my bride. When I really got it, I determined I would change, and I did. Thing is, there is no way I could prove to her I had changed other than the long and slow process of living the change for the weeks or months it took for her to believe the change was real and permanent. Yes, I created the problem, but I wanted her to believe me when I said I had changed. I would even get a upset she did not believe me!

Of course I had thought I understood these things one or more times before I really did, and thought I did what was necessary to fix it. So from her perspective I was promising yet again I understood and would change. Given past failures, how could she know I had really changed “this time”.

If you have given her any reason to doubt you, own it and go on. If you live it out, it’s all good, and if you don’t live it out she was right.

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