Who’s to blame?
Julie, over at Intimacy in Marriage, posted a story many men are going to cheer about – Could This Wife’s Story Be Yours? The short version is the wife refused her husband often for 21 years, until he had an affair. This wakeup call caused the woman to get help, and she is doing better sexually, but she says it may be too late to fix their marriage. She never says “it’s all my fault” but she clearly accepts that her actions were wrong, unfair to her husband, and left him vulnerable to sin.
Now I know this is the kind of thing you want someone to send to your wife. Like the fellow who added, “If my wife and I had a sex life, I probably wouldn’t be looking at porn” on a recent survey, we want to think it’s her fault. We would be fine if our wives just gave us enough, or gave us what we want. This woman has become wise and every young wife should have to read her story – right?
I certainly agree this kind of thing needs to be shared, and I know what our spouse does or does not do sexually can have a huge effect what we do, what we think, and how tempted we are to sin. All of that is valid. What is also valid is the fact what we do and do not do has a huge impact on our wives. This is true in all areas, and is especially true about sex. What you do can tempt your wife to react in ways she knows she should not. Just as she needs to own and deal with things she does that cause you problems, you need to own and deal with things that cause her problems.
If you are really brave, ask your bride what you do and do not do that puts her in a bad place!