Have you heard the saying “Perception is reality?” I used to hang with a fellow who said that often, and I hated it. At the time, I spiritualised it; reality is what God says, and everything else is a lie. While that is true, we each perceive reality based on past and current experiences, colouring what we think is real.

Which colour is right? © Jelome2010 |

For example – if you were born red green colour blind, you do not see colours the same way the rest of the world does. A certain colour of red is, to your perception, the same as a certain colour of green. So balls of those colours would seem to be the same colour. That does not mean the two balls are the same colour, the truth is they are two separate colours, but some cannot see the two colours, and in their reality the balls are the same.

How does this play out in marriage? If you see red and green, and your bride does not, would you constantly correct her when she “made a mistake” about the colour of some object? Would you get upset and expect her to be able to see the difference? It would be cruel to get upset, and horrible to demand she learn to do something she is not equipped to do.

My theory, which I will kick around the next few days, is we all have places similar to the colour example I’ve given; places where we perceive things differently than our wife for reasons that cannot be changed. I think we also have differences of perception where we can learn to see as our spouse sees, which I may touch on as well.

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Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:


Assume Love

Investment Improves Your Odds ◄ No surprise – but good to know and DO!

Black and Married with Kids

Marriage Will Not Work Without Respect ◄ A few kinds of respect to think about.

The Generous Wife

Photo Session Date ◄ Odds are your bride would enjoy this.
Needed Compliments ◄ Are you giving her the compliments she needs?
Weather Watch ◄ My bride’s thoughts on our little argument last week.

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How Kinky Can You Get? ◄ Is THIS okay?

Journey to Surrender

Culture, Politics and Marriage ◄ Who is to blame?

Marriage Gems

Why Arguments Spiral Out of Control in Relationships ◄ Learn about memory clustering and how it’s hurting your marriage.

Marriage Life

It Takes Time To Heal ◄ And everyone is different.

One Flesh Marriage

Hurt’s Opportunity ◄ “What part did you have in it?” is a question we need to ask ourselves often!

The Respected Husband

Politician or Husband? ◄ Politicians can show us how to be bad husbands.

The Romantic Vineyard

Debi’s “boring series” is anything but boring!
But I’m Bored
Bored With Marriage?
3 Types of Boredom in Marriage
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Boring Communication And How To Avoid It In Your Marriage
Happy Hour – Are You Bored With Sex?

Stupendous Marriage

Stupendous Marriage Show 66: More with Shannon Ethridge on Fantasy ◄ Another great interview.

2 Comments on “Reality

  1. I’ve always loved the story of the different people feeling an elephant while blindfolded. They describe the animal differently based on the part they are touching. None of them is wrong, but none of them is fully right either. We have that piece of reality that we see, and it may entirely true from our perception. But our spouse may see a different part of the elephant. The truth can be something more than either of us fully understands.

    Loved this, Paul! And thanks for the shout-out.

  2. *Like*

    This is something I’ve thought about for several months, but haven’t figured out how to explain. Totally forgot about the elephant illustration. :) Looking forward to hearing more on this topic!

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