The change she would like as a Christmas gift

We had 174 women answer our poll asking what one change they would like their husband to give them as a Christmas gift.

Choose to change © Stuart Miles |

I’ll give details below, but what struck me in the answers was that a majority of them could be summed up as “Treat me nice”. Show her attention, give her some affection, offer a few compliments and a bit of romance, cherish her, make her feel special, don’t be rude, don’t ignore her. Do the results mean more than half the men out there failing at these basic things? Any poll like this tends to attract those with an axe to grind, so it’s probably not as bad as it looks. I hope!

On the flip side, if your wife is unhappy, it looks like there is a good chance you can change things by applying some common courtesy!

I would sum up the answers to the survey this way:

  • Help out: Preferably without being asked. If you’re not sure, ask what you can do. Oh, and please pick-up after yourself!
  • Communication: She would like your attention when she is talking with you. Better communication skills and less harshness were also requested by a number of women.
  • Anger and lack of patience are a common problems.
  • Plenty of wives want more time with hubby, and the majority of them complained about excessive time on video games, television and the Internet. Don’t get so into your technology you ignore your wife!
  • Some of the ladies are concerned about hubby and the kids. A few wanted more help, but most were more concerned about him spending time with the children. Several also mentioned wanting him to be a better example and spiritual leader.
  • Integrity was mentioned by a number of women. A couple specifically mentioned lying, but most said they want him to “do what he says he will” and “finish what he starts”.
  • Health issues: Weight, smoking, exercise, drinking, and drugs were all concerns.
  • Sex: Yes, some want better sex. A couple want more, but the bigger issue is showing desire for HER rather than for sex. Also, be sure to give her pleasure.
  • Personal hygiene: Brush, floss, and showering regularly would be appreciated by a number of the ladies.
  • Stop lusting after other women. Yup, they see you doing it.

A few of the actual comments – listen for the pain and frustration:

  • Choosing me over video games.
  • Compliment me more, tell me I am beautiful, romance me more.
  • Stop treating me like a child.
  • I would like him to stop thinking I’m superwoman.
  • Help out more with the children practically.
  • I would like him to be less negative.
  • I know my husband loves the Lord, but I wish he would be more of a spiritual leader in our home.
  • I’d like the gift of touch on a regular basis, not just when he wants to be intimate. Sit next to me, hold my hand sometimes, curl up to me in the middle of the night… Just touch me.
  • When he says ‘I love you’, I’d like to hear ‘I love ……’ – I’d like to know some specifics. What did I do/say/wear that pleased him? Or what was beautiful?
  • Have meaningful sex with me.
  • Learn to talk more openly about his feelings.
  • I would like it if my husband could show his tender side more often. He sees that side of himself as a weakness. He can be tender but it is fleeting.
  • Making me feel special and feel like her queen instead of making other women feel special he should make them feel respected.
  • I’d like him to update his view of me. Sometimes, in arguments, he points to something I used to do, but stopped doing several years ago. And then gets mad when I ask if he can pinpoint a recent example.
  • To truly accept and understand that just because I don’t do something how he would doesn’t mean I did it wrong, just differently.

Use this as a tool to help you think about where you could make changes that would really bless your wife.

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5 Comments on “The change she would like as a Christmas gift

  1. I want some specific tips –
    My wife says I’m mean or rude and I just don’t get it. I think I’m a good husband with a kind heart and not rude at all. And yes I think maybe she is upset about something else and is calling it “mean” but I’m not a typical husband.
    1- I don’t play video games
    2- I pick up after myself 100% of the time – yes 100%
    3 – I do chores, give our kids a bath on their bath nights, take care of the dogs and the yard, cook some and take the kids to school in the mornings.
    4- I don’t obsess about my appearance but I practice good hygiene and dress nice when I can.
    5- I tell her I love her, I thank her for what she does, I tell her she is beautiful.
    6- If there is going to be physical contact I pursue her 90% of the time.
    7- I am honest – I don’t lie.
    8- I don’t do or watch sports, I don’t have buddies over – I’m not a typical guy.
    9- I enjoy spending time with her and turning off the technology
    10- I’m a book guy not a TV guy.
    11- I’m not overweight or a slob.

    What am I missing? What is “rude” to a woman?

    • Ray – While some things are common to most ladies, others are a result of their past. If her father, or some other family member, or a past boyfriends was hard on her, anything that reminders her of that might feel rude. If she feels unheard or unappreciated that would do it too.

      My best suggestion would be to ask her. Set it up sometime when she is not upset to let her know you want to understand, so when she says you are being rude you are going to ask her to clarify – then do that.

      I’d also look at other things that might be putting her in a bad place that increases the chance she will find you rude. Extra work, lack of sleep, time of month, and so on.

  2. This is a great blog. Thanks for doing this. I know there are areas I need to work on and will definitely be sharing this with my buddies.
    May 2013 be the year where we as men be a true blessing to our wives.

  3. Pingback: Winds of Change: A Husband’s Profound Influence on Her Sex Drive | Oysterbed 7

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