The Problem of “My Time”

NOTE: There was no post for Tuesday the 15th due to the server hard drive going bad. Took a good deal of time to move the data, and then verify everything and make some database repairs. Thanks for the notes and prayers!

Today Sheila over at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, wrote about husbands who play video games “all the time”.


Gaming over marriage © Wavebreakmedia Ltd |

I see this as a subset of a common problem in marriages, especially among younger couples. The activity is not the problem; the problem is feeling one’s free time or play time is deserved regardless of how it may hurt the marriage. Be it gaming, reading, hanging with friends, sports, a hobby, or social networking, if it limits your time together as a couple, it can be a problem. Yes, we all need down time, and play is good for us, but there are only so many hours in the day. When your fun/play/recreation keeps you from having fun/play/recreation with your spouse, you are putting those things ahead of your spouse. You are telling your wife she is less important than whatever you do instead of being with her. If you play instead of doing what needs doing around the home, you are sending the same message.

I suspect this is becoming a more common problem because we are marrying later and later in life. By the time most folks marry they have well-developed patterns, and they expect their marriage to fit into those patterns. In reality, marriage is the merging of two lives, which only works if both are willing to make changes and sacrifices. To make room for each other, you both have to let go of some of what you did before. It’s also a good idea for each of you to pick up something your spouse enjoys so they can keep enjoying it as you do it together.

What about you? Is something taking up too much of your time? Is some activity keeping from spending time with your wife, or from doing what you need to do to keep your household running well?

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3 Comments on “The Problem of “My Time”

  1. This is just what I was thinking! No one needs me time for hours everyday. This is a selfishness problem. Ome of the reasons our marriage is so great is because my husband and I do not consider our time our own, especially in the evening. Of course we have hobbies, but our relationship and our relationship with our kids is first priority. We are not stressed out amd we have fun! I thiink the lifestyle choice is worth it, and consider this one of the main reasons our friends and family struggle so much in their marriage and parenting. I realize to live this way means to look weird and different, but it is worth the change.

  2. Agree, but this also applies to things that are more “worthy” such as volunteering at school or a non profit or at church, or whatever.

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