The time and room your marriage needs

This is a follow up on yesterday’s Does your life have room for more sex?, but the issue goes well beyond sex; far too many couples don’t have enough free time and energy to have a good marriage, sexually or otherwise.

Too busy, too tired © Nyul |

From what I’ve read, this is more or less true in most developed nations. I think parts of Europe are much better than the USofA, and it varies from place to place within a country, but it’s a common issue of our day and age.

Relationships take time – but not just time, they take relaxed time. You can’t set aside an hour a day to “have your relationship” and just stop everything and set it aside when the hour rolls around. You can’t cram your life so full a five-minute delay ruins the rest of your day and expect to have the emotional rest necessary for a good marriage.

You can’t have a good marriage without what author Richard Swenson calls Margin. If your life is full, you will miss out on things. A good life, a life that allows us to connect and love requires us to have empty space, like the margins on a page. Apparently, the idea of margin is nothing new to God. The Jews were C O M M A N D E D to rest one day each week. What’s more, this day of rest was not just about doing less; it was designed to give people time for God and for their family. Marriages benefited greatly from the Sabbath, and our deciding we don’t need such a thing costs us a great deal.

If you think you can have a good marriage without margin, you’ve bought a lie. If you think you can have a good sex life without margin, you’ve bought a massive lie! I wrote a bit more about this last year in a five part series starting here. If you want to have a good marriage and sex life you’ll have to give up some things, and/or cut back on other things. If you’re busy, if your life lacks margin, then I know your marriage is not what it should be and is in danger of getting worse. Lacking margin is a major reason your marriage and sex life are hurting, and nothing else you fix, change, or agree to do is going to take the place of making margin in your life.

Bottom Line: Margin is not optional for a healthy person, a healthy marriage, or a healthy sex life. Some people function better, and longer, without margin that others do, but ultimately a lack of margin is a destroyer. If you accept that truth there’s a lot of hope for a better future. If you don’t accept it…

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Great tweet of the week:

Don’t let your circumstances change your attitude. Use your attitude to change your circumstances. @redeemmarriages

Links to blog posts that stood out to me the LAST TWO weeks:


Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week:
Lori of The Generous Wife posted Noisy Needs ◄ I would think this was brilliant even if my bride had not been the one who wrote it!


Assume Love

Adventure-Seekers Who Marry Comfort-Seekers ◄ It can work; it can work well!

Black and Married with Kids

Is Your Spouse Aware of Your Back-Story? ◄ This is so important!
Don’t Get It Twisted, You Have Bad Habits Too ◄ You KNOW that’s right!
How To Predict and Prepare for Storms in Your Marriage ◄ Great thoughts on being prepared and on early warnings.

The Generous Wife

If Necessary ◄ Learn to say “I love you” without words.
You Probably Shouldn’t Watch It On the Plane ◄ If you have been under a rock and missed this Samsung commercial, you really need to check it out.
Don’t Hide ◄ What are you hiding?
Impatience Leak ◄ My bride is too kind to identify me, but this is about me.
Speak Up ◄ Do your words build up or tear down?

Hot, Holy and Humorous

Wives: What Is Your Husband Thinking During Sex? ◄ This guest post is on you might want to point out to your bride.
Ten Lies Wives Believe about Sex (And Ten Truths Husbands Want You To Know) ◄ Same as above.

Intimacy in Marriage

What You Need to Know About Your Sexual Fantasies ◄ A good interview with the author of “The Fantasy Fallacy”.

Joe Beam’s Blog

How a Female Can Orgasm During Intercourse Just By Penile Penetration ◄ A very well done answer to a common question.

Journey to Surrender

Dress for Success – Put on Compassion ◄ “A heart of compassion says ‘We can do this together.'” ◄ Spot On!
Dress for Success – Put on Patience ◄ And “that prayer”.
Dress for Success – Put on Grace ◄ Last, but far from least.
Do You Love Love? ◄ Are you a love sceptic?

Marriage Life

I Married Three People ◄ A simple truth we all need to learn.
9 Signs Your Spouse Might Be Cheating ◄ Don’t go crazy, but don’t be blind either.

Mystery 32

Men, it is time to step up. ◄ This seems to be an increasingly common problem.

One Flesh Marriage

Pursue Me ◄ Great post, and a perfect image!

Redeeming Marriages with Jack and Janet

Yes We Can Because We Have A Plan ◄ Are you planning together?
Don’t Use Bad Words ◄ We all know it, but we don’t always do it.
Is Your Spouse Good Enough? ◄ A dangerous thought.

refine us

Break Free From Your Need to Be Perfect ◄ PLEASE DO!!!
Our Competition ◄ I love the heart behind this.
5 Questions to Ask Your Spouse This Week ◄ Do this weekly and watch your marriage grow!
You Aren’t Who You Used to Be ◄ And that is a good thing!

The Respected Husband

We’re Married, Right? Why Does She Still Feel Insecure About My Love For Her? ◄ Most wives feel this way at least some of the time.

The Romantic Vineyard

On Normal ◄ You ever miss normal?
Taking A Back Seat To Grief ◄ A great post on grieving.

Safe at home

Be Careful: Your Obedience Can Become Obsession ◄ This fits nicely with some of my recent thoughts.
The power of WE in a marriage ◄ And why “getting it” is so vital.

…to Love Honor and Vacuum

Help! My Husband Plays Video Games All the Time! ◄ Is this you?

2 Comments on “The time and room your marriage needs

  1. I would argue that Christians are commanded to observe Sabbath as well. That commandment predates the Jewish people, and nowhere in the NT is it abolished (only held up as a continuance). There’s a long bloody history of the church attempting to stamp out Sabbath observance, and sadly, it has nearly worked, to our detriment.

    So yes, I agree, it is good to take the 7th day as a rest, spend time with your family, your spouse and with God.

  2. Pingback: Strategy #12 – Build Sexual Confidence – Action – CalmHealthySexy New Year | Calm.Healthy.Sexy.

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