“Hi, I’m Paul (Hi Paul) and I’m selfish. It’s been 8 minutes since I had a selfish thought and almost an hour since I acted on a selfish thought.”

Give and Take © Stuart Miles | 

I suspect we can all relate. (If you can’t, please either come give me some help, or get some help for yourself!) Lori and I had an interesting talk about selfishness this morning, and I told her I want to be far less selfish. She blames Bob Goff’s influence, but I think this is something God has been stirring in me for a long time.

Let me start by defining selfishness. Merriam-Webster Online says selfish is “concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others“. The word selfish is not found much in Scripture, but commands to die to self, to sacrifice for others, and putting the needs of others ahead of our needs can be found many times. God seems to have very high standards about this. 

I think most who know me in real life would say I am less selfish than many. While that’s nice, there are two problems with it: 1) my goal is being what He wants, not being better than others are, 2) what others see is my actions, not my thoughts and feelings. Trust me when I tell you my thoughts and feelings are far more selfless than my actions – and my actions are far from what they should be!

Of course, it is good to have selfish feelings and not act on them, but how much better not to have the selfish desire in the first place! I am sure some will tell me this is not possible, but if that’s the case God wasted a lot of time telling us to do it. Can we ever be rid of every bit of selfishness? I fear we can’t – but I think we can become far, far, far less selfish than we think possible. I do not see many trying – maybe because we don’t think it’s possible. I am saying, for me, it’s possible.

Regardless of how unselfish you think you could become, I suspect you know you could be less selfish than you are. I see it not only as a good goal – I see is as commanded. It’s certainly a goal that will make us much more awesome husbands.

So what selfishness are you going to attack first?

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Great tweet of the week:

Don’t let your circumstances change your attitude. Use your attitude to change your circumstances. @redeemmarriages

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:

 Featured Post – A must read article I saw this week: 

Sheila of to Love, Honor and Vacuum posted a three part series on what she called “a dangerous thread in Christian teaching regarding women’s roles.” I have the same concern, and I feel Sheila did an excellent job with this:

Submission Doesn’t Mean You Never Have Conflict
Seeking Peace Not the Absence of Conflict
Being a Peace-MAKER Rather Than a Peace-KEEPER: Conflict in Marriage


The Generous Wife

Showing Preference ◄ Do you?
Early Warning System ◄ Drift is actually a big deal.
The How ◄ How you say things matters a great deal.

Intimacy in Marriage

What Does Sex Mean to Your Marriage? Here’s a Simple Way to Find Out. ◄ A good couple exercise, if you dare.
Do Some People Believe Your Marriage Won’t Make It? ◄ I’m being talked about ….

Journey to Surrender

Make a Valentine’s Day Plan ◄ Time is running out!

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly ◄ Be a hero in your marriage

Marriage Life

What Women Really Want for Valentine’s Day ◄ Some excellent thoughts here. 

One Flesh Marriage

Ten Days of Sex ◄ A sex challenge.

Redeeming Marriages with Jack and Janet

Learning To Accept Your Spouse ◄ Because trying to make them someone else is not love!

refine us

Marriage Help for Couples with Different Faiths ◄ Some solid thoughts here.
3 Lies Porn Will Tell You ◄ Three killer lies

The Romantic Vineyard

Clue Date Night With A Sexy Twist ◄ This could be fun…
14 Ways To Bless Your Spouse This Valentine’s Day ◄ Ambitious! You ready to GYRO?

Safe at home

Finding Gold At Your House ◄ Look for it, it’s there. 

2 Comments on “Selfishness

  1. Focusing on others is a necesary part of all healing. Having received the diagNOsis of parkinsons disease, I focused on myself which is natural. i learned about MY disease treatments, medications etc etc and became quite despondent. It was until I focused on others that I could heal emotionally. I can see now how selfishness or the lack of it effEcts All areas of our lives especially marriage

  2. Another very good post Paul. I have come to think that selfishness is the only sin there is. If not for selfishness Adam and Eve wouldn’t have rejected GOD, without selfishness the 10 commandments would be easy, and JESUS’ two commandments would be automatic, and without selfishness there would never be any marital difficulties.

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