Getting Enough ≠ Sexually Satisfied

I recently had an email from someone who said he is sexually satisfied, but it doesn’t mean much because his wife does it out of duty and is not very active during sex.

Loving couple © marin |

  • Getting something the majority of the time I desire sex. (Something could be anything from her hand to full blown, wild sex.)
  • Having the kind of sex I desire and enjoy most of the time.
  • My wife both wanting and enjoying sex most of the time we do it.
  • Knowing how to give my wife a great deal of sexual pleasure.
  • My wife knowing how to give me a great deal of sexual pleasure.
  • Being able to freely talk and joke about sex with my wife.
  • Seeing my wife naked often, including apart from sex.

Have I set a rather high bar? Perhaps, but would anything less really be sexual satisfaction? I suspect most men could easily make a similar list of what it would take to be truly satisfied sexually.

Yes, it takes a great deal of time and practice to reach this lofty goal. It will take months at least, and probably years. However, you can be very happy with your sex life along the way, especially if you see on-going learning and growth.

When you talk to your wife about sexual satisfaction, does she know what you mean by those words? Does she think you’re just talking about “getting enough”, or does she understand you mean far more?

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3 Comments on “Getting Enough ≠ Sexually Satisfied

  1. I have always said there is a difference between being “satisfied” and being “fulfilled.”The former to me always suggested little more than frequency, being a quantatative measure, while the latter I take to include all the other factors you mentioned. Are there dreams and fantasies being realized within the relationship? Is there transparent communication of wants and desires? Is there honesty and openness and light-heartedness? Those are the things that lead to true sexual fulfillment.

    • @Brian Collis Good definitions – and I suspect it is what the fellow who wrote to me meant as well. I suspect many would divide it as you do.
      However, in my mind, satisfied means something more than “not hungry”. You can “satisfy” your food hunger by eating something filling that has no calories, but that is a fake satisfaction that does not end well. 
      My bigger concern is how women hear “satisfied”. If a wife thinks quantity is all that it takes to make her husband  happy sexually she will have less than kind thoughts about him. If satisfied means enough, but more is required to be happy, that’s cool, as long as she understands the definitions!

  2. For me sexual satisfaction also requires the rest of the relationship to be going well.  If the sex is great but there’s something between us, it just isn’t as satisfying even though my hormones are satisfied.

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