My errors

I’ve been reading comments and emails the last few days regarding what and how I’m communicating here. A huge thanks to all who have taken the time, I really appreciate it. I see a couple of things I’ve done less than well, and I’ll work on making changes. My contention that women are naturally more relational than men has been mentioned by several, so I will use that some as I discuss a few specifics:

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  • Too much information: Not in the “TMI” way, but adding bunny trails. My mind makes connections, many, many connections. Those then spill out as I write. I actually remove a lot, but I think I need to do better at narrowing the focus. Whether or not women are more relational than men is usually not relevant to what I am saying, so I should skip it.
  • Failing to choose hills wisely: I can show all kinds of studies, both behavioural and brain scans to support my belief women are naturally more relational than men, but so what? “Does “proving” it to someone do anything to help his marriage? I’d say no, it doesn’t. As such, it’s tangential to my goal and at best diluting what I want to accomplish.
  • Making assumptions: One of the reasons I point out women are more relational is I think this means we men have a disadvantage in this area. I point it out so men will realise they need to give extra effort. However, I usually fail to explain that, just assuming everyone will reach the same logical conclusion I see. As I said, I make connections – however, I need to do better about realising not everyone is like me, and besides, some will make different connections.
  • Failing to express empathy: It really helps to know someone gets you, and your struggles and temptations. I do well at that sometimes, but not as well as I thought. When challenged, I went looking for where I had said I understand why a man getting little or no sex would turn to porn, but I couldn’t find myself saying such a thing. I need to do better about this.

Part of my reason for writing this all out is to give myself a checklist for the future (there is a marriage lesson there!). I’m also making a promise to you, my readers. If you decide this blog is not for you, I want it to be because of what I believe, not because I’ve failed to communicate clearly.

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3 Comments on “My errors

  1. Paul, I don’t agree with all your opinions, but I am always interested in what you have to say. No one is going to get all the words right all the time, especially with the challenge of blogging every day. What I admire is your humility, in the sense that you are willing to recognize your flaws and errors, and to work hard to keep improving. You set an example that all your readers would do well to emulate.

  2. I appreciate your blog and Lori’s very much.  I have learned (or relearned) several important things from you.  Thanks for your dedication to helping marriages.

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