Make Sure She Knows You Want HER

Does your wife feel you want her sexually, or does she feel you want sex and she’s your only choice?

When you say: “I’m horny, let’s make love.
Does she hear: “I have an erection and you’re the only place I am allowed to put it.

Player © Daniel Korzeniewski |

Many women in our culture have the idea men think of sex much as they think of going to the bathroom – it is a basic need and you just do it whenever and with whomever you can. (Sadly, there are some men who seem agree.) If that were the truth, then it would be logical to think a good Christian man is the same way but limited by rules saying he can only have sex with his wife. Does your wife think this way? Maybe she knows better but still feels this way on some level.

Let’s face it, feeling you are the only non-sinful receptacle for your husband’s penis would not exactly be a major turn on. It would not make a woman feel loved, special, or desired. Even if you’ve never said or done anything to suggest this is your reality, your wife lives in a world that assumes this is the truth for many (or most, or all) men. Odds are she has some fears and doubts along these lines.

What you can do: A frank discussion would be great, if you can do it. With or without such a talk, be more aware of what you say and how you say it. Work to communication you want HER, not just a few of her body parts. Help her to understand you don’t have to control yourself not to have sex with anyone else because you do not want to have sex with anyone else.

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2 Comments on “Make Sure She Knows You Want HER

  1. So true, but a double edged sword as well. I DO want sex all the time and she IS the only sinless person I can want it from. Your right about men wanting HER but it needs to come after LOVING her. It’s not just semantics, she’ll see right through that. You have to LOVE her constantly for her to feel it is her that you WANT to make love to. You made the decision to commit to her sexually for life and now your choices reflect that commitment, it should not be a turn off for her. This is a great opportunity for a companion piece from TGW telling women to love and respect that his choice to come to her sexually reflects the decision he made to be committed to her for a lifetime, and that when she rejects him in that moment, that her choice is NOT reflecting the decision she made to be committed to him. Wives need to understand they can’t be critical of their husbands making choices that reflect their commitment to the one flesh union while they themselves are not. It’s a hypocritical double standard, it is something that wives need to be conscientious of and address if it is happening.

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