Beyond the Benefit of the Doubt

Yesterday I mentioned my bride and I have been in a virtuous cycle of building love. I’ve been trying to dissect it so I can encourage others to move into such a cycle.

Cycle of Love © Theumf |

One thing that stands out to me is both of us have taken giving the benefit of the doubt to a new level. We each assume the best even when what we see may not support such a conclusion. It’s innocent unless proven guilty  with no desire to “prove guilt” for minor things. 

We can do this because we both know we’re truly and deeply loved. I’m not assuming she did not mean to hurt or offend me, I know she did not mean to do those things. Sure, she’s human and will feel snarky on occasion, but even then I know she doesn’t really mean to hurt me. Additionally, I know from experience she’ll apologise soon enough. She knows the same things about me because I’ve worked to prove them to her by what I say and even more by what I do.

Can you start this unilaterally? Absolutely! With little things, assume the best, even when there’s good reason to think she does not mean the best. I’m not saying you should ignore real problems, but with small things be willing to take a hit without saying or doing anything about it. More importantly, start to show her a high level of love and acceptance. Avoid even the hint of rudeness and apologise to her when you feel you’ve been less than you think you should be in any way. 

Still need to do your taxes? If you need tax software check out the Amazon TurboTax Store or TaxAct. (Yes, I get a few pennies if you use those links.) I’ve used TurboTax for more than a decade, with rather complicated returns, and always been happy with the product. I’ve heard good things about TaxAct, but have not used it. TaxAct is less expensive, but moving my data to a new system is not worth what I would save. 

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