Change your Focus, Change your Marriage!

Another thought about creating a virtuous cycle of building love.

Ever bought a car, and suddenly you see the same car everywhere you go?

Red Car  © M - Pics |

It’s not because a whole lot of people ran out and bought the same vehicle, rather you have become aware of the car because you have one. Your focus has been turned to that car, so you’re more aware of each one you pass.

Focus does the same thing in our marriages. Your focus effects what you think and feel, and makes some things seem like more than they are while making other things seem like less than they are. When you are focused on how wonderful your bride is, on all the nice things she does, and on how blessed you are to be married to her, you notice every little good thing she does. Moreover, because you are seeing so much of the good, some of the bad slips by without becoming front and centre in your mind. On the other hand, if you’re focused on her short comings, on things she does that irk you or other negative things about her, you will be aware of all the bad things she does, and will miss some of the good things she does.

You can choose to change your focus. You can decide you will look for the good. At first, it may be difficult, but it gets easier with time. If you find yourself dwelling on something negative, think back to something nice, kind, or loving she did recently.

Changing your focus in this way doesn’t change your wife, but it does change how you experaince her. This changes how you feel about her, which changes how you treat her. Changing how you treat her will almost certainly change how she sees you, and thus how she feels about you, and how she treats you, and so the cycle starts.

Again, I’m not talking about pretending there are no problems or ignoring things that need to be addressed. However, most of us get far too worked up about minor negative issues, while missing many good things.

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