Anger and reconciliation

More on how we can apply the Sermon on the Mount to our marriages.

“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.'” [Mt 5:21-24 ESV]

Angry couple © David Castillo Dominici |

Jesus seems to think anger is a big deal – a big destructive deal. Little things we shrug off are not little things in God’s eyes. This is particularly relevant in marriage because many people are less kind to their spouse than they are to others. What we may see as a casual negative comment may be far more to God.

The second part of this passage shows us how important it is to God to deal with relational issues as soon as possible. Jesus shows us reconciling with a brother (or wife!) is more important than giving a gift to God! How much more should we stop anything we are doing for our own benefit, desires, or pleasure to be reconciled? The other thing that jumps out here is we are to go and be reconciled if we know someone has something against us. Jesus does not say we go only when we have done something wrong! Our responsibly to try to reconcile has nothing to do with why they have something against us, or if they are being rational.

I don’t think the Lord expects us to confess to something we didn’t do, or say we were wrong when we weren’t. However, we can be sorry for the hurt and division even if we did not cause it. We may also be able to initiate reconciliation, even if we did nothing wrong. This isn’t always possible (been there) but we’re still expected to try.

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Great tweet of the week:

People lie, actions don’t. @colynsagboju

Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:


Black and Married with Kids

The Art of Keeping People Out of Your Relationship ◄ Does your marriage have good boundaries?
I Say No…Tales of a New Husband ◄ Are you ready to say no?
7 Little Things That Can Turn Into BIG Relationship Problems ◄ It’s the little things that kill marriages.
Elevate Your Marriage: 7 Practices of Highly Intimate Couples ◄ How many of these are you doing?

The Generous Wife

Strength for Your Marriage – Community ◄ You need friends to help you have a good marriage.
His Favorite ◄ Great little gifts require knowing your spouse.
The Fred Factor ◄ A book about being awesome.
Giving to Caesar ◄ Some ideas on reducing financial stress in your marriage.

Hot, Holy and Humorous

I Am the Higher Drive Spouse (or Yes, Rejection Hurts) ◄ Yes, men say no, and yes, it hurts her when he does.
Sex Initiation Lines: The Good, the Bad, and the Funny ◄ How are your lines?

Intimacy in Marriage

To Bless or to Harm? How Are You Using Sex in Your Marriage? ◄ Check yourself!

Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

Idol of Happiness – Part 1 ◄ Are you bowing down to this idol?

Marriage Life

I Don’t Have to Be Right (Outloud) ◄ Do you know when to let things go?

Pearl’s OysterBed

NOT Pity Sex ◄ See? Women are being told how to have sex with their husbands.

refine us

Four Fears of the Workaholic ◄ Being a workaholic is a good way to mess up your marriage. Are you guilty of this?

The Romantic Vineyard

How’s The Climate In Your Marriage? ◄ Climate can make so much difference!
I Don’t Need Hot Sauce Running Into My Eyes ◄ The title sells this guest post from Jason.

Sex Within Marriage

Why Don’t I Give My Wife More Massages? ◄ Why don’t you give more massages?

Stupendous Marriage

Stupendous Marriage Show 77: Husband Cheated, I Don’t Want to Divorce ◄ After a month break, Stu and Lisa are back with a new podcast.

…to Love Honor and Vacuum

On Rick Warren, Tragedy, and Prodigals ◄ Great thoughts on a tragedy.

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