The Great Marriage Wall

My Friday post, Boundaries: Not Intended as a Way to Say No, was accompanied by a picture of The Great Wall of China. Unfortunately, the image is not so funny for some couples.

Berlin Wall marker  Public Domain |

Relational walls are a fact of life, and to some degree many of them are wise. Without appropriate walls certain people will walk all over us, monopolise our time, or generally make life miserable. Of course, our spouse can do these same things, but we have a different relationship with our spouse – or at least we should have! Long-standing walls in marriage are both a sign of problems and a warning sign the marriage is in trouble. If your marriage has walls, you need to devote yourself to seeing those walls come down.

But how? Start with yourself. Examine the walls and find the ones you built, or helped to build. Think about how the wall went up, and use this to help you take it down.

What about the things from which the wall is protecting? You’ll be putting yourself at risk, and you can be sure you’ll get hurt at least a bit. The hope is your wall removal program will encourage your wife to do the same, but there’s no guarantee. The most likely scenario is she won’t change for a while – maybe a long while. Hang in there, eventually you should see her working to take down some of her walls.

That said, I am not suggesting you do this because she may change; I am suggesting it because it is the right thing to do. There should be no walls in your marriage, and the walls you built and maintain are wrong regardless of what your wife does with her walls.

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We’re not all of the things we say we believe; we’re all of the things we do @bobgoff:

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