Five to Rule Your Mind

To have a good marriage, you must be careful about friends – both yours and hers. Our attitudes and actions move to line up with those of our closest friends. We all want to think we’re stronger than that, but we’re not. Sure, a very few individuals can go the opposite direction of all those around them, but those individuals stand out because they are the exception. If we hang with those who think marriage is a prison, we start to feel likewise. If your wife hangs with those who think all men are dangerous, she will start to believe it. If you spend time with men who think they should love and protect their wife, you’ll start to live that value. If your wife spends time with women who enjoy sex, she’ll start to see sex more positively.

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You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” ~ Jim Rohn

My bride saw this quote recently, and I think there’s great wisdom in those words. Is it exaggerated or too simplistic? Maybe, but for the most part I think it’s true. A growing body of research says we are influenced not only by our friends, but also by our friend’s friends, and our friend’s, friend’s friends. This “three degrees of influence” has been proven to affect smoking, obesity, voting, happiness and more. Certainly, our attitudes about marriage would be just as given to influence.

How your friends, and her friends, affect your marriage today is a concern. Another concern is how those friends would influence your marriage if you were facing serious difficulties. Would those friends point out your spouse’s good traits, or her bad ones? Would they urge you to fight for your marriage, or would they tell you to get out? If you started to lose hope, would they stand with you, or tell you your marriage is doomed? If you gave into fear, would your friends love you enough to tell you you’re wrong?

I’ve seen many marriages on the brink of divorce, and one of the most important factors is the attitude of the couple’s friends and family. If either spouse hears “get out” from even a strong minority of their friends, the marriage is unlikely to survive. If both husband and wife hear “stay with it, keep working at it, fight for it” from the vast majority of their friends, the marriage has an excellent change not only of continuing, but of becoming better.

Bottom Line: Choose your friends wisely, and encourage your wife to do the same:  your marriage may depend on it!

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5 Comments on “Five to Rule Your Mind

  1. I have seen this play out many times.  Thanks for putting it into words!  This was an excellent post.

  2. I have seen this play out many times.  Thanks for putting it into words!  This was an excellent post.

  3. A good friend who can find? They are priceless because they cannot be had for money or for anything else you have, except yourself. They voluntarily chose you, as you them and can be a lot like you and still like you, anyway. They will see for you what you cannot see and will not become for you what you, yourself refuse to become. Understanding and sympathy are in their heart and the truth is on their tongue, even if you cannot hear it- for a time; for truth will always prevail and they will always accept an apology. They have shared life with you and know everything about you and will still prefer your company to any other’s. A good friend, who has one? For they are as hard to find as the time you have to spend.

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