Helping Her Grow Up – Making Wrong Less Comfortable
If there is no “price to pay” for doing what’s wrong, children will do a great deal of what’s wrong. Adults should be better, but given we are talking about the need to grow up we can assume this will often be a factor.
Most of us are change averse, even when we know the change is right and necessary. If the existing situation or action is easy and painless, getting motivated enough to change can be difficult. Making the existing situation or action uncomfortable provides change motivation.
I’m not suggesting you do something rude just to make her actions cost her – doing so will just cause a fight. Neither is this punishment; even if she’s being childish, she is your wife, and treating her like a child is counter-productive. The “discomfort” needs to be reasonable: not too much, and in some way related to the problem.
My suggestion is to state the consequences as a natural result of her choice. “Because you choose to _____, I will ______.” This is not a threat; it’s cause and effect.
- If you badmouth or yell at me in public, I will turn and walk away.
- When you fail to take care of me sexually for days on end, I will take care of it myself in the shower.
- If you continue to make us very late all the time, I will leave without you.
Any of these could be abused, so be careful. Also, be sure her failure is not largely because of you. If you expect her to get three small children ready to leave the house without your help, she’s going to be late regularly. If you treat her like garbage all day, her refusing sex is to be expected. This is about her bad habits, failures, and sins.
Could you take a moment to answer the ED & PE Male Sex Problem Survey? This completely anonymous survey has been requested by a couple of you, and will be part of a future post or two. Thanks!