Helping Marriages – Be Connected With Others

If you and your spouse have decided to do what you can for marriages, great! However, on your own your ability to make a difference will be limited. Not insignificant or unimportant, but limited. As part of a group with the same goal of improving marriages you can do much more. A group has a number of advantages.

Group © savit keawtavee, © antpkr and © tungphoto |


Working and sharing with like-minded individuals gets far more done than you could all do individually.

Peer Pressure

Those around us influence us. When a significant number of people make a change or state a belief, their larger community is impacted. The more people saying or doing something, the more powerful the effect on others. If marriage is something special to most, the rest will tend to fall in line. When working on your marriage is a sign of wisdom and maturity, those who have avoided working on their marriages will rethink the issue.

Others to Lean on

Eventually you will find yourself dealing with something you know nothing about, or something outside your comfort range. Knowing others with different experiences and training means you have someone to point to when you need to. If your church doesn’t have one or more trained counsellors, look for a church or Christian organisation near you that can offer well-qualified help. Try to meet and get to know a couple of counsellors so you can offer a bit of an introduction when needed.

Learn Together

  • Study marriage books together.
  • Discuss problems you run into (without violating any confidences).
  • Be aware of marriage classes and retreats in your area.
  • Invite “experts” to speak to your group. This doesn’t qualify you to do what they do, but it will help you deal with certain things, and will help you know when you need to pass an individual or couple on to trained help. Groups that specialise in various problems may be thrilled to speak with you, especially if they know you will be directing people their way when appropriate. Look for those who can educate you on:
    • Grief and mourning
    • Infertility
    • Spousal abuse
    • Drug and alcohol abuse
    • Child behaviour issues
    • Wise use of finances
    • Medical advocacy
    • Military separation 

Ideally, be Church Based

The best way to do this is as a church. This provides good oversight and some safety for both those ministering and those receiving. In the “help industry”, the title pastor is still respected, and ordained clergy can often open doors others will find locked.

However, while doing this as a church is the best way, it’s too needed and too important to let it go if your church won’t do it. Find others of like mind in your church and elsewhere and build a group dedicated to seeing marriages grow. 

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Great tweet of the week:

Forgiveness doesn’t excuse their behavior. It prevents their behavior from destroying your heart. @erinhall47

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