Helping Marriages – On-line Resources
Last week I talked about knowing marriage books. This week, on-line resources.
Lori and I have been doing marriage ministry on-line since 1997, and we have heard from many who say their marriages have been improved, or even saved, by an e-letter, blog, or website. We’ve also had a great many people tell us The Marriage Bed message boards have been a huge blessing to their marriage. I say all this to show you on-line resources can have a powerful positive affect on marriages.
Two of the great things about on-line resources is they’re (usually) free, and they’re anonymous. People who aren’t ready to admit they have a problem to a real person, or not willing to spend money, can still get some great advice and direction. “Lowering the bar” means people who would never seek help can get a start, and others who would wait till it is too late may get information in time to save their marriage. On-line resources are especially good for growing a marriage that’s not about to fall apart. Regular thoughts, nudges, and nags help us think often about our marriage and what we can do to make it better. What we think about tends to grow!
This doesn’t mean on-line resources are the end all of marriage help; they’re not. Sometimes a person or marriage needs more than just information. Dealing with the past is a huge part of healing our marriages, and most need interactive help doing that. Still, an on-line resource can be the catalyst for someone seeking the help they need.
Know them by their fruit
There has been an explosion in on-line marriage resources over the last few years. Anyone can post anything on-line, which is a mixed blessing. There are some fantastic resources out there done by folks with no training, and there are some downright scary things; from both those without training and those who have credentials. I’m all for training and credentials, but it guarantees neither wisdom nor quality.
Get to know what on-line resources say. Do some digging; make sure you agree with what they’re teaching! Search for key issues like “porn” and “divorce” (it’s all too common for a site with some great advice to suggest a bit of porn use to “help” a couple’s sex life). Before you recommend a resource you want to make sure it’s not going to point a couple in the wrong direction! I doubt you’ll ever find a resource you agree with 100%, but there are things you can let pass and things you should not.
How to share
As with books, try to make a connection. Rather than just telling someone about a blog, email them a link or whole post you think will reach them. Say something about how it made you think, or how it changed the way you treat your spouse. Adding a link to an email rather than just sending the link is good. You can also bring a post or article up in conversation and say, “I’ll send you a link.” Linking to a specific post is usually better than the home page.
So many resources!
How do you find all these great resources? My Sunday round-up of marriage blogs (below) is a starting place. I am fairly picky, and I only link to what I like. There’s some great stuff out there that’s not my cup of tea. Here are a few other lists to get you started:
- The Romantic Vineyard does Happy Hour most Fridays
- My Bride, AKA The Generous Wife links to a few blogs at the end of her daily posts
- For Better – Or What? has a big list of Marriage and Relationship Blogs
- List of Marriage Blogs on The Marriage Bed
- Non blog Marriage and Sex Related Sites, also on The Marriage Bed
Great tweet of the week:
It is too hard to change my wife into who I think she should be. I have decided it is much easier to love and accept her for who she is. @redeemmarriages
Links to blog posts that stood out to me this last week:
Do Not Disturb
Five Hindrances of Sexual Freedom: #2 Interests ◄ You both have interests; do they get in the way of sex?
The Color of Love ◄ Do you know her favourite colour? Do you use that information to bless her?
The Wedding Dress Story (aka Plan Q) ◄ If you have been looking for a way to introduce your wife to The Generous Wife, this would be a great choice.
Hot, Holy and Humorous
Journey to Surrender
Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage
Feel Like Having Sex? ◄ Don’t wait for your feelings!
The Greatest Enemy to the Marriage You Desire ◄ Yup, Justin nails it.
The Romantic Vineyard
This May Be The Most Important Thing You Can Do For Your Spouse ◄ This would be huge for most women!
Turning A Deaf Ear Isn’t Love ◄ Even when it’s not what you want to hear…
What Age Does Sex Stop In Marriage? ◄ Join the discussion.
Safe at home
Beware of Selling and Modeling Cheap Happiness ◄ Stop settling for the same old thing – get some better fun!
…to Love Honor and Vacuum
Family Time, Opportunity Cost, and Kid’s Schedules ◄ Are you allotting your time wisely?
Having it All ◄ Sheila suggests having kids early.