Problems that Cannot be Solved
Some marriage problems can’t be solved.
The first time I heard that I rejected it. The second time I heard it I rejected it. I still don’t like it, but I’ve accepted it as fact. (It should be noted manipulating or bullying your spouse into pretending the problem has gone away doesn’t mean it’s been solved.) Sometimes a difference of opinion, or a difference of personality, makes it impossible to agree on things. If it’s not a matter of sin, then the difference doesn’t say anything bad about either of you; it’s just how you each are.
A classic example of this is the wife who doesn’t like how her husband drives. He’s not breaking the law, and doesn’t get in accidents, but his aggressive driving makes her feel uncomfortable – or even terrified. Another common example is one spouse wants more sex than the other (by the way, about 25% of the time it’s the wife who wants more). I’m not talking about frequent refusal here, rather something better than starvation but short of well feed.
When you hit problems that can’t be solved, how you deal with it can make your wife feel good about or bad about you. You need to figure out how to give in on some of these issues without making yourself feel wronged. Work to “get your way” on the issues that really matter to you, while being willing to go with her way on others. If you both feel strongly, maybe you each get your way some of the time.
The two of you should also think about what not getting your way will mean to each of. If your driving causes her real stress, not getting her way is harmful to her. Choosing to drive less aggressively when she is in the car will be a huge blessing to her. One of you being sexually deprived is also harmful, and finding a way to provide more sex of some sort would be a great blessing.